Emotionally Inclined

I'm a girl.

I've recently been informed that because of this, I act out of emotion.

While I will never deny that girls have a tendency to act more emotional at times, and to show more emotion, I resent the idea that because I am a girl, that means any argument I have is basically worthless, because I am speaking out of emotion when I argue.

I can't speak for myself, as that is far too biased, but I happen to think that in the overly emotional spectrum, I'm not that high up on the scale. I really don't like drama. I get frustrated when I spend too much time with other girls, because I can't handle all the junk they create for themselves, or that they seem to attract like magnets. My closest friends in college were guys, and the group of people I tend to hang around with now are primarily guys.

So, to be accused of being overly emotional was not something I took well, especially from the guy who was the accuser, considering the fact that the thing that led to the argument was him trying to draw information out of a mutual friend of ours because she seemed down in the dumps. Turns out, it had more to do with the fact that he was concerned she was mad at him and he wanted to know why (oh, and by the way, he's married with kids, not just some post college single guy , in case you thought this was just a case of college-style drama). Sounds like something girls freak out about, actually.

The argument led to me being accosted because I had told him to leave her alone after the fifth or sixth time he had asked her what was wrong, and I told him just to drop it, that regardless of whether there was something wrong or not, he was not helping the situation. He told me I had jumped all over him, and more or less that I wasn't being a very good friend because I didn't get to the heart of what was going on. He then told me a story about a couple they knew, and how the wife had gotten mad at the husband because she was upset about something, and the husband asked the wife what was wrong, and she said nothing, so he dropped it. She wanted him to pursue the issue, and was mad when he didn't keep asking what was wrong. First of all, this is ridiculous. Men (and women for that matter), cannot read minds. And, if she wanted to be asked about what was wrong, she shouldn't have lied in the first place. Finally, my friend is not my other friend's wife.

The underlying problem in this situation, when it really comes to it, is that my guy friend thinks my other friend is a closer friend than she really is. Truthfully, while she would still call him a friend, to her, he's not the caliber friend that she would go to with problems or to just chat about things. She doesn't have to tell him anything. And while I know she does, at times, have a tendency to bottle things up, I am certain that she's not facing things completely alone. I talk to her, she has a wonderful boyfriend who I am sure she can go to with difficult stuff, and other friends as well. But you can't tell him that. It'd be difficult to tell anyone that.

So, I came out the bad guy. I ended the "argument" as it were, after being harassed by both him and his wife for my emotionally charged side of the argument, very angry, and convinced that I'd probably said something that I shouldn't have, because they both seemed to think I was out of line. I stewed for the night, praying neither of them would bring it up again, because I didn't think I'd be able to handle it as well the second time around.

I guess that's a final piece of the story - I can have arguments with people, even fairly heated ones, without that argument ever affecting the way the friendship/relationship is in the first place. The wife seems to operate under the impression that if you are arguing with someone, the very fabric of the relationship is at stake depending on the outcome. For me, I need to have the argument, I need to say what I feel needs to be said, and when it's all over, it's over. That's it.

So, I tiptoed around the next day, hoping it wasn't going to get brought up again, and had the chance to talk over the situation with my boyfriend, who was there during the argument, and his family, who heard the story recounted by the two of us. He didn't think I'd said anything out of line, either in telling him to stop badgering my friend, or in the argument that followed. So, I finally let it go - and it hasn't been brought up since.

Sigh...oh, if there's a teenager reading this...don't get your hopes up too high. Drama doesn't go away after high school. Or college. Or...well, ever, for that matter. So you better get good at handling it. :)