The Great Tension

We are constantly caught between opposites. They might be in our own life, or we might be one extreme, and someone or something else is the other. Sometimes time separates the two sides, sometimes experiences, sometimes feelings. We have to muddle our way through, hoping to find balance if only for a little while.

I often catch myself feeling guilty for being happy when I know someone else is feeling badly about something else. I am currently in the midst of planning for my own wedding, which is coming up in a little less than six months. Just last night, I found out a friend, who was sure she was getting married this May, is now single. It is strange for me to be caught up in my own plans, having things going relatively well (in fact, I just nailed down our photographer yesterday), and be thinking about what it would feel like if that happened to me.

I don't know the details. I don't know who did what or why there is no longer a relationship. All I know is that I am still attached. She's not. Two poles.

Life can change in a heartbeat, and the two poles can be a matter of minutes, even seconds apart in our own lives. I was reading back through some old blog posts of my own from several months to up to a couple years ago. One mentioned a friend who was currently going through a separation with his wife - they're now back together again. Another mentioned a friend that had split up with her husband - between then and now, they had gotten back together, and if I am right, are now going through the beginnings of a divorce. They've been married for just a couple of years. Still another spoke of thoughts I'd had after moving in with a family about two and a half years ago - and that I 'loved' living there because of all of the randomness. That's not so much my feeling anymore - suffice to say I'm ready to be living in my own house again. Soon enough. :)

I find it interesting to go back through old posts and old journals and see the strong feelings that surrounded an experience - how it seemed at the time that it would be impossible to forget those things - and now, years later - I've all but forgotten several of them. Time does heal. Some memories stick. Some don't. Regardless - certain things still sting at the time - and the other side isn't necessarily a solution - just another thing to deal with and learn from.

For my friend's sake - I hope she finds people who can help her see through this experience, and ways to come to understand the parts she needs to. Life is too short to spend constantly looking ahead to the next thing - it's tough enough to live in the moment we are in without being constantly distracted by the things around us. Each season of life requires us to live in a different way and learn a different set of processes and ways to respond to it.

Right now - I'm an engaged girl who's working at a church, living with a family, has some good friends, and doing alright. Who knows what I'll be in 2 years when I happen across this post again - might be interesting to see.