Selah - Blessed.

Blessings come in many different forms. Some are obvious, some are not. Some come in the form of happy occurrences, others come in the form of heartbreak.

I sat in my office a little over a month ago while the council president informed me that I was being asked to resign. I sat in disbelief as the words hit me like an explosion. As I sat, she reassured me, saying more than once how she hoped in time that I could see the circumstance as a blessing - to see God's hand at work even in difficulty.

I sat again a few weeks later in my senior pastor's office as we did the exit interview, where a second member of the committee that had decided to let me go assured me of the same thing - that this was a blessing in disguise, one that would allow me to move on to new and better things that God had in store. He even had a personal anecdote that proved the point.

In this case, it may have been true, but based on the way that events took place, it sounded more like an excuse, one that let them make their decision with little or none of the responsibility of the consequences. Good things have happened since I've been gone from my former church. I would be lying if I said they had not. However, it has also been a crazy, trying experience, one that I have struggled with off and on as I try to figure out what comes next in life - as I prepare to get married, as I embark on new career paths and make choices about my future.

So many people have said, 'Oh, well at least now you have lots of time to get ready for your wedding!' Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way - but two things are wrong with that - one: it is tough to see unemployment as a break when you don't know where your next paycheck is going to come from - and two: my 'break' consisted of one week of looking for a job, interviewing, hoping, being disappointed, and then, a crazy whirlwind job offer that meant I started training for my new job one week after leaving my old one.

One thing that has been a blessing for me right now is that I have been able to go to worship, together with my fiance, at his church, where I can simply go to worship and not be at work. It's something you take for granted until your workplace and worship place are the same place. So many folks, over the course of my time left at the church had asked if I was planning on going to seminary now, because '...you would be such a great pastor! You're so good at preaching!'

I don't know right now if I would want to be a pastor, for fear that I would rarely be able to just sit and worship - ever. It has been so nice to sit and worship, sing, pray, and listen to God's word preached without any other distractions or responsibilities. I can see myself as a youth director in another congregation some day, when, I don't know. I also always tell people that I will never rule out the possibility of becoming a pastor - just that I don't see it in my life plan right now.

It's also been nice to have some time to read the Bible and do some studying on my own - independent of work - something I hadn't been good at in recent months. That's actually what this post was a result of - a lenten study about how important it is to stop and just be - to simply rest in God. It's a good reminder - something we all need.

"the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;"

Psalm 1:5