Life is - (second installment) -

Life is a crazy combination of ups and downs, highs and lows, ins and outs. Sometimes good things and bad things come in waves, sometimes they are alternated, in very close proximity with one another. This week has been a good example of the latter.

Amidst all of the pain and uncertainty that I have been witnessing in my friend's life with the failing health of his father - something wonderful has been going on - a new relationship with a wonderful guy - and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Though the recent couple months have been the most eventful - this isn't a new development - save for the now "official" declaration of a relationship. About 8 months ago - after a "date" at Starbucks - a then friend of mine told me that he had feelings for me. Not an odd thing to hear - especially since I also had feelings for him. For whatever reason - hearing that threw my brain into overdrive and I politely declined a relationship, saying that I wanted to get to know him better first, and see where things went. So, that's what we did. We were in the early planning stages of a big bike trip with a group of folks, and he and I were both a part of that. I had decided that since I'd be seeing him more, this would be a good way to sort of "feel out" whether or not I thought there could be something.

A couple months passed, the trip came and went, and...nothing happened. But, about a week later, I had been talking to him online and brought the whole thing up again - and threw him for a loop - he'd been trying to let the whole thing go because it looked like nothing was going to happen. Maybe he hadn't seen what he thought he did - maybe I wasn't interested after all. But...I was...and the door was cracked open again - and...not much happened. We still saw each other - with other friends around. Then, after more conversations with mutual friends of ours, midway through July a plan was hatched for a double date. We headed over to Mankato - us by ourselves - also part of the friends' plan. The night was a fun one, and we made conversation with each other, had a nice dinner, and then all of us headed home together (we had dropped of the other vehicle for a trip later in the week). The night ended well, and I had told him I had fun - and then the rest of the summer happened. I was gone on a couple of trips, when I wasn't gone, he was, and we didn't see a lot of each other - so once again, it seemed like the opportunity was slipping away. Then, September.

I don't know exactly what it was - even now - that made me do what I did. I couldn't get him off my mind - I needed to know what happened, what was happening. I finally went to our matchmaker friend's office one morning, and asked him one simple question - "did I lose my chance with him?" The friend's reply threw me - "yes...probably." We talked for the next half hour and my heart sank as I wondered what I had done - hearing more and more of the back story, hearing more and more about what had gone on the other side of the fence. I decided as I walked out of the office that I needed to talk to him - regardless of what the answer was, I needed closure. I had come to realize that though I didn't see the change happen - I knew that I wanted this relationship to work - the thought of him dating someone else hurt.

A few days later, I called him up and we decided that it would be fun to play some music together, and we got together for a few hours and sat and played and talked. We went from there over to a band concert in town, and from there to Perkins with another friend of ours to eat. Thinking I'd lost my chance at a conversation - I decided I had one more shot - and when the friend dropped us off to go back to our cars - I said, "what would you say if I told you that I thought we should spend more time together like this?" He agreed - and that is kinda where things started to turn. We were both still pretty nervous around each other, but slowly, gradually, we started spending some time, just one on one. Lunch together, a walk in the park, a conversation here and there.

Things started building, we got more comfortable, and I started realizing that the more time I spent around him, the more time I wanted to spend around him - and I felt like the only thing that was keeping us from being totally comfortable was the unknown - how did we both feel about each other?

Enter - November 1. We had made plans to go and see his niece in a play, and to meet up with his sister and her family beforehand for supper. We drove to Mankato and spent the evening there, went to the play, and after things were done, we decided that it would be fun to go across the street to Dairy Queen. There were about 12 of us there - a good number of us bought Blizzards. One of the nieces had her friend there, and at one point, I looked over and saw she had ice cream spilled on the table - figured the cup had overflowed or something. Then, a conversation started about the way that they will often tip the cup upside down when they make them for you to prove how thick they are. After hearing this conversation, not knowing that was what she had done, I studied my cup for a while, ate the melty parts, and decided to try it - and -

SPLAT.

No one saw me do it - but they definitely heard it. The guy and his mom whipped around when they heard the splat, and I fell on the floor laughing. We got it cleaned up, I got harassed for a while, and he and I spent a long time laughing...including about the first 10 minutes of the drive back home. Normally, wouldn't have been a bad thing...except that I had finally decided that it was time to ask him where we were at...the conversation didn't really seem to fit anymore. So, we made random conversations, occasionally lapsing back into laughter about the earlier events. We got home, he had come over to my place because we were going to watch a movie with some friends - and sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, I finally asked - "so, where are you at with us?"

The conversation that followed was a good one - turns out we were on the same page after all - and he had wanted to say something - after all, we'd sorta been dating off and on the month or two prior. We decided we both wanted to try and see what would happen - and the rest has been amazing. There's no more wondering, no more not knowing what's going on in the other person's mind - and the person I was falling for then is now even more amazing.

We spent the next week and a half or so having people learn that we were a couple...getting to know each other, spending a lot of time together. We have a habit of saying the same thing at the same time, laughing at the same things...and mostly, just being right for each other.

And, I got my first kiss a couple nights ago - after spending time together at a parade in town, going to a concert, and then spending another few hours playing music together and talking - it just felt right. It was his first too. And it was perfect. :)