Happy tears are a strange concept. What does it really mean to be so filled with emotion that we end up at the other extreme? I hadn't felt that for a while...but I got to experience it again tonight.
I got to have a movie night with my boyfriend - and the film of choice was Pursuit of Happyness. An amazing film if you haven't seen it...a story about what it means to fight for a dream against all odds. It kinda left us both groping for words. We made small talk for a while and then I made a comment to him about the fact that the upcoming week in New Orleans was going to be an odd one - that I'd been so spoiled getting to see him almost every day. He stopped, looked at me and kind of chuckled...and I asked him why - he said it was just an odd concept - being the source of spoiling. We just sorta sat there together, I told him he was worth it. I'm so happy with him...some days I really have to pinch myself to be convinced that the last three months really have been real. :)
I think back sometimes...the most recent thing that amuses me is looking back at the other guys I would have liked to date while I was in college. The first one was the musician, jack of all trades, in a little bit of everything. The second one was the fiercely loyal friend, unique, a little shy, but at the same time was bound and determined to be himself even if it meant not always fitting in. The third was the goofball, smart, self assured, a great sense of humor, and despite all of that, still there was a part of him that didn't see his full worth - and how much he meant to the folks around him.
Each time I met one of these guys, I was hooked...between their personalities and their characteristics, I was certain each of these guys had what I was looking for. And, each time the chance at a potential relationship came and went, I looked back thinking there was no way I'd ever meet another guy like them, and I did...twice. After the third shot was gone towards the end of my college career, I sorta decided to just chill for a while...see what would play out. I moved to Fairmont, and I guess somewhere in the back of my mind was keeping an eye out for decent single guys, but not actively looking. Every now and again someone would mention someone they knew, but never real seriously. So, I just hung back, let life play out, and enjoyed the ride...and before I knew what had even happened, God dropped someone into my lap...so perfect that I think I didn't even know what to do. Luckily, I eventually came to my senses...and the rest is history. Beautiful, happy history.
We find in those around us the things that complete us, that fill in the missing pieces we didn't even know we were missing. And then, we write our life songs. Together.
1.
Hanging by a thread, we see familar faces
Swimming in a sea of unspoken stories
Countless causes for us to lose heart
At the end of our rope and coming undone
2.
Holding on and holding in, we push away and keep our distance
Worried we'll lose something we'll forget and can't replace
Ripping the stitches, before the wound has healed
Our only hope is to escape, unharmed and unscathed
3.
Building piece by piece the name You gave me
Knowing what we take may be passed to someone else
Realizing we may lose pieces, it's all a part of the plan
No longer looking for escape, giving up the fear of harm
B.
Stitching each piece to another, we become a colorful patchwork
Giving voice to the seamstress, broken people coming together
C.
It's a process of give and take, life's not only made of what we make
What I thought was mine is ours, all we're doing is sharing scars
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What have I done...
**Before you begin reading, this is what I have posted so far. It is likely that this will be a fluid note, constantly added to and edited, or that it will be the first in a series as I do and remember new things that need to be added.**
I have been amused by the notes that have been circulating around Facebook as of late. They are similar to the chain messages that circulate through e-mail, encouraging you to share random facts and information about yourself. Some of them are simple and have questions such as 'when is the last time you cried' or 'what did you eat for breakfast' or 'where do you spend most of your time' - others are more specific, asking you to highlight things from a list that you've done or to recap a year by answering about things that have happened over the past 365 days.
I started filling out another one this morning, as much to see for myself how I measured up as to tell anyone else - after all, does anyone really read them (except perhaps the junior highers that want the latest dirt on their friends and acquaintences)? Then, after finishing it, and actually posting it, I started reading through it, and ended up deciding to delete it. It seemed like a cheap way to tell about some of what I consider to be defining moments of my life - and then I ended up here - and I'm going to write it my own way.
Physically, I've climbed a 14,000 foot mountain and backpacked 20 or 30 miles through the continental divide, I've rock climbed, paddled something like 80 miles in a canoe over a few years, run a couple races (short ones, but a runner I am not), biked in a triathlon, biked 70 miles in a bike-a-thon twice, and even biked 302 miles across the southern part of MN over three days.
I've been to Greece and Italy, Belize, Canada, and something like 18 states in the US. I've seen the Colosseum, the Parthenon, the Pantheon, and stood in St. Peters Square and saw black smoke come out of the Vatican during the first day of the vote for a new pope after John Paul died in 2005. I've walked the ground where much of ancient Greek mythology took place, touched pieces of pottery made thousands of years ago, and even sat on an ancient Roman toilet in a bath house. I've even been through the Belizian jungle and been around 2 miles from the border of Guatemala, and had a tarantula crawl across the floor one night while I was brushing my teeth.
I've been to Washington DC twice and seen all of the memorials, been to Arlington National Cemetary, and seen Gettysburg. I've been through the Holocaust Museum and seen a pile of shoes that mark lives lost. I've been in the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea, and a couple dozen lakes in the Boundary Waters. I've seen meteor showers, the Northern Lights, and watched a thunderstorm roll in across a lake.
I've broken two bones, almost cut my tongue off with a spoon, had to get stitches in my forehead, and have more scars than I can remember stories for (but love to tell about the ones I do remember). I have had surgery at least four times, and two of those were in my mouth.
I lived in the same house for the first 18 years of my life, and since then, have become a pro at packing and moving back and forth from college, and twice since then - but I still hate doing it. I've lived in my own apartment and owned a car. I graduated from college with a degree in Studio Art and Religion. I had a job right out of college and have been at the same one for 2.5 years.
I've fallen for a couple guys, and now, even fallen in love. I've felt the pain of broken relationships and felt the pain of friends losing loved ones and struggling through difficulties. I've known what it feels like to accomplish something that seemed impossible. I have felt love from others, and been blessed with amazing family, friends, and people who support me. I've learned that deep friendships can be formed in a matter of hours.
I've worked in a clinic in a remote jungle and served food to a crowd of 1000 at a soup kitchen in Denver. I've helped paint a handful of houses, learned how to put up drywall, even helped build a ramp. I've worked three summers at a Bible Camp in central MN and spent three semesters traveling to a different church every weekend during college on a ministry team. I have played in a band, and can play guitar, bass (although not real well yet), and even sing okay. I can paint, throw pottery on a wheel, do photography, even draw if I'm in the mood. I've written poetry, a couple songs (though I've never finished one), and written some stories. I've painted a backdrop for a play, painted the side of a semi trailer, and even helped paint a 30x100 foot mural for a concert.
I've ridden in airplanes multiple times, ridden in a helecopter, a ferry, and metros in Greece and DC. I've driven 2000 miles in two weeks.
I've worked on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and even been on national TV (even if it was only for about 3.6 seconds). I've seen a few dozen concerts and even met a good number of the big names in Christian music.
And, because this is only the beginning of my story, I have to include the flip side, things I haven't done yet but hope to do.
1. Go to Australia and visit the Australia Zoo to see Steve Irwin's legacy
2. See the Pacific
3. Go to Hawaii
4. Marry my true love
5. Own a dog
6. ....
I have been amused by the notes that have been circulating around Facebook as of late. They are similar to the chain messages that circulate through e-mail, encouraging you to share random facts and information about yourself. Some of them are simple and have questions such as 'when is the last time you cried' or 'what did you eat for breakfast' or 'where do you spend most of your time' - others are more specific, asking you to highlight things from a list that you've done or to recap a year by answering about things that have happened over the past 365 days.
I started filling out another one this morning, as much to see for myself how I measured up as to tell anyone else - after all, does anyone really read them (except perhaps the junior highers that want the latest dirt on their friends and acquaintences)? Then, after finishing it, and actually posting it, I started reading through it, and ended up deciding to delete it. It seemed like a cheap way to tell about some of what I consider to be defining moments of my life - and then I ended up here - and I'm going to write it my own way.
Physically, I've climbed a 14,000 foot mountain and backpacked 20 or 30 miles through the continental divide, I've rock climbed, paddled something like 80 miles in a canoe over a few years, run a couple races (short ones, but a runner I am not), biked in a triathlon, biked 70 miles in a bike-a-thon twice, and even biked 302 miles across the southern part of MN over three days.
I've been to Greece and Italy, Belize, Canada, and something like 18 states in the US. I've seen the Colosseum, the Parthenon, the Pantheon, and stood in St. Peters Square and saw black smoke come out of the Vatican during the first day of the vote for a new pope after John Paul died in 2005. I've walked the ground where much of ancient Greek mythology took place, touched pieces of pottery made thousands of years ago, and even sat on an ancient Roman toilet in a bath house. I've even been through the Belizian jungle and been around 2 miles from the border of Guatemala, and had a tarantula crawl across the floor one night while I was brushing my teeth.
I've been to Washington DC twice and seen all of the memorials, been to Arlington National Cemetary, and seen Gettysburg. I've been through the Holocaust Museum and seen a pile of shoes that mark lives lost. I've been in the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea, and a couple dozen lakes in the Boundary Waters. I've seen meteor showers, the Northern Lights, and watched a thunderstorm roll in across a lake.
I've broken two bones, almost cut my tongue off with a spoon, had to get stitches in my forehead, and have more scars than I can remember stories for (but love to tell about the ones I do remember). I have had surgery at least four times, and two of those were in my mouth.
I lived in the same house for the first 18 years of my life, and since then, have become a pro at packing and moving back and forth from college, and twice since then - but I still hate doing it. I've lived in my own apartment and owned a car. I graduated from college with a degree in Studio Art and Religion. I had a job right out of college and have been at the same one for 2.5 years.
I've fallen for a couple guys, and now, even fallen in love. I've felt the pain of broken relationships and felt the pain of friends losing loved ones and struggling through difficulties. I've known what it feels like to accomplish something that seemed impossible. I have felt love from others, and been blessed with amazing family, friends, and people who support me. I've learned that deep friendships can be formed in a matter of hours.
I've worked in a clinic in a remote jungle and served food to a crowd of 1000 at a soup kitchen in Denver. I've helped paint a handful of houses, learned how to put up drywall, even helped build a ramp. I've worked three summers at a Bible Camp in central MN and spent three semesters traveling to a different church every weekend during college on a ministry team. I have played in a band, and can play guitar, bass (although not real well yet), and even sing okay. I can paint, throw pottery on a wheel, do photography, even draw if I'm in the mood. I've written poetry, a couple songs (though I've never finished one), and written some stories. I've painted a backdrop for a play, painted the side of a semi trailer, and even helped paint a 30x100 foot mural for a concert.
I've ridden in airplanes multiple times, ridden in a helecopter, a ferry, and metros in Greece and DC. I've driven 2000 miles in two weeks.
I've worked on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and even been on national TV (even if it was only for about 3.6 seconds). I've seen a few dozen concerts and even met a good number of the big names in Christian music.
And, because this is only the beginning of my story, I have to include the flip side, things I haven't done yet but hope to do.
1. Go to Australia and visit the Australia Zoo to see Steve Irwin's legacy
2. See the Pacific
3. Go to Hawaii
4. Marry my true love
5. Own a dog
6. ....
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