For the last six months now, a friend of mine and I have been pursuing the idea of opening a coffee shop in town. It was an idea that developed after being approached by a couple of people from the local community college who were interested in finding a place that could be a hangout for some of the students between classes and after for doing homework or just relaxing. Within a few days or weeks, we heard about a grant that was being offered, and thought about just how awesome it would be if we could find a way to develop our coffee shop idea so we could try and secure the grant. We attended the meetings, waited, attended more meetings, waited...and found out that we had not gotten the grant. No, wait, we actually did get the grant - part of it, anyway...but no one told us right away. There began the arduous journey that would be the next several months. Little did we know. And, funny, because part of the grant committee was called TMI - which I feel is exactly what we have gotten over the course of the past few months. or maybe it was the opposite...TLI - too little information. :)
After getting the grant, we had to reconsider exactly what we were going to do, because the amount of money was less than we had originally bargained for. So, we thought partnering would be a better option - not having to start from scratch...and after talking with a handful of people, someone gave us the name of a local woman that was looking to start a coffee shop in town. GREAT!! She even called it an answer to prayer the first time I talked to her on the phone...seriously...it was for us too. So, we talked. Began the process. Dreamed together.
Then...deadlines came. And passed. Timelines were shifted, moved back...lost altogether. We met, waited, met, hemmed and hawed, got grief, got everyone's opinions (whether we wanted them or not), and tried to keep going. For three months.
Turns out, everyone really wants this coffee shop. That's what they say, anyway. They say "we really need one here, that they really want one here...and they wish they could help, but..." That's my favorite comment of all. Honestly, if the answer is no, say that. I'm ok with no. What I'm not ok with is you saying you want to help, but there's no way you can. That doesn't help me. At all.
"The time isn't right." "There is too much uncertainty. We don't know which direction we're going to move with that space, so, the timing is bad." "Have you talked to so and so? I bet they might have an idea..." The comments came. Everyone seems to know someone else that would be a great place for us to go to and get started or find a new springboard...but after the third or fourth one of those things, you start wondering just where that goose is at...hiding just behind the next corner, waiting on the other side of the top of that hill? Who knows.
The funny thing is...today was the best conversation...perhaps the most productive one we've had so far...and our idea was all but completely shot down. I sound bitter...I was...I don't think I am anymore though. You see, today felt like the first time we got any straight answers out of anyone. I'm sick of beating around the bush. Yeah, there was the token 'I'd love to help, but...', but even then...something just felt different. I don't know why. They kept talking about money...thinking they'd lose all sorts of money if we shared space with them. I remember thinking at one point that I wish there was a way to somehow get the money to go to them instead. Sort of the 'kill them with kindness' mentality I suppose. Or something like that.
So, I left the meeting, rode my bike over to the bike shop for a pick me up, and then came back to work, where I found a lovely CER letter waiting for me in my mailbox, about what else...the coffee shop. Another 30 days notice about the grant. Salt in the wound, or icing on the cake? I'm not really sure which at this point. Salty icing? No, that just sounds gross. :)
So, we continue chasing the goose. Or something. I struggle some days with wondering if this should be taken as a sign that this is not meant to happen right now...or happen with us...or happen in this way, or if it is a lesson in perseverance and continuing on even when things seem hopeless. It's a bit like being given a parachute for climbing a wall...sure, we're prepared...but not for the right thing, apparently.
Keep honking, goosey goosey gander. Perhaps one of these days we'll catch you. I hope it's before you die.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Why did I...
Guilt is a powerful weapon. Even when it is not used intentionally...or perhaps it is used most powerfully when it is unintentional. Is it still guilt then? Or is it merely a call to be accountable?
Why do we see being asked questions as being questioned as a person, to our very core? Why, when our motives are questioned, when our reasoning is questioned, or even when our not having done something is questioned, do we feel like a puppy who is being scolded for making a mistake?
What is so deeply embedded in our human nature that we feel responsible for everything going on around us...or not going on around us for that matter? Is it because we really are responsible, whether directly or indirectly?
Why do we see being asked questions as being questioned as a person, to our very core? Why, when our motives are questioned, when our reasoning is questioned, or even when our not having done something is questioned, do we feel like a puppy who is being scolded for making a mistake?
What is so deeply embedded in our human nature that we feel responsible for everything going on around us...or not going on around us for that matter? Is it because we really are responsible, whether directly or indirectly?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Word (and thought) of the Day - Intentionality
I don't wanna go through the motions,
I don't wanna spend one more day,
Without your all consuming
Passion inside of me...
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything...
Instead of going through the motions...
These words, from a song called 'The Motions' by Matthew West, seem to sum up well the thoughts that I have been having and the conversations I have been a part of over the course of the last few days. It's another one of those overarching themes that has taken over my thought process as of late.
I was having a conversation with my pastor about some conversations we will be having with the confirmation kids over the course of the next year, mostly looking at the promises they make when they go through their Affirmation of Baptism. We want to ask them why it matters if they keep the promises or not...what it means for them to keep them.
We also want to have a conversation with the small group leaders about what the main focuses/purposes are when we are teaching confirmation. Our hope is that they will find the connections between what we do in confirmation and what areas we focus on with our ministry at Grace.
Then, I had a third conversation before a meeting earlier today about a couple lines in a book I recently read - - if our community said that they were going to shut our church down, who would step up to defend it? Would it be solely the people that attended the church. or is the ministry focused enough on outreach and community support that others beyond the church membership would rise up in its defense as well?
What does it mean for us to live lives that are intentional? How different would it look from the way we are living right now?
I don't wanna spend one more day,
Without your all consuming
Passion inside of me...
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything...
Instead of going through the motions...
These words, from a song called 'The Motions' by Matthew West, seem to sum up well the thoughts that I have been having and the conversations I have been a part of over the course of the last few days. It's another one of those overarching themes that has taken over my thought process as of late.
I was having a conversation with my pastor about some conversations we will be having with the confirmation kids over the course of the next year, mostly looking at the promises they make when they go through their Affirmation of Baptism. We want to ask them why it matters if they keep the promises or not...what it means for them to keep them.
We also want to have a conversation with the small group leaders about what the main focuses/purposes are when we are teaching confirmation. Our hope is that they will find the connections between what we do in confirmation and what areas we focus on with our ministry at Grace.
Then, I had a third conversation before a meeting earlier today about a couple lines in a book I recently read - - if our community said that they were going to shut our church down, who would step up to defend it? Would it be solely the people that attended the church. or is the ministry focused enough on outreach and community support that others beyond the church membership would rise up in its defense as well?
What does it mean for us to live lives that are intentional? How different would it look from the way we are living right now?
Monday, May 4, 2009
Musings of the Two Wheeled Variety
I did something this weekend that many would consider ridiculous to attempt. I completed my third century bike ride - I rode 100 miles in just a little over 8 hours on Saturday. Started at 6am and watched the sun come up...and saw great expanses of the southeastern Minnesota countryside.
So, what do you learn when you spend 8 hours on two skinny wheels and a tiny uncomfortable seat?
1. Keep your eyes on the road. Holes and bumps often sneak up unexpectedly, and if you're not prepared for them, you're liable to hit them or fall in. Some of the bumps cannot be avoided, but if you are ready for them, you can brace yourself, making the impact less threatening.
2. Things on the road are not the only threats you will face. Some dangers will come out of nowhere, barking and growling and threatening to chase you down. Others will come in like a gust of wind, ready to knock you over, unseen, but nonetheless felt.
3. Nourishment is vital. You will run out of fuel, and you need to make sure you keep your tank full.
4. Never underestimate the power of a word of encouragement. Sometimes a smile or a 'Good Job!' is enough to get you the next 10 miles.
5. Those that are available to help you are not often right in front of your eyes. Sometimes you have to seek out a helping hand intentionally, or you will miss the opportunity.
6. Things that appear to be obstacles sometimes change into opportunities. That wind that was blowing in your face and slowing you down turns into a wonderful push when you change direction.
7. A good song (or two or eight) can be the difference between staying sane and going nuts when you are out on the road by yourself. It becomes a wonderful companion for those lonely miles.
8. Be prepared. Making sure you have extra supplies and tools can be the difference between success and failure when you have an unexpected accident.
9. Not all pain is crippling. Sometimes it just makes the journey a little harder for a while.
10. Not all pain lasts forever.
11. Hills are both good and bad. Most uphills have an accompanying downhill...but not all of them do.
12. There are other riders on the same journey as you. Often they are facing the same struggles you are...and sharing the same joys. Befriend them - learn from them - encourage them.
13. Sometimes you can move just as fast going downhill without pedaling as you can going uphill pedaling...or even faster. Take advantage of those times.
14. Trust your vehicle.
15. Take time to say hi to old friends, especially those that have been doing what you're doing for longer than you. They often have wise advice.
16. There are people looking out for you.
17. Windbreaks are nice, but don't always 'break' the wind. Sometimes they just turn a wind that is a cross wind into a headwind for a moment.
18. Appearances aren't everything...for either the rider or the bike. Some of the more beat up looking bikes and unlikely (or young) riders are just as good (if not better) than the shiny bikes and the 'hardcore' looking riders.
19. You are going to be better than some riders some of the time and worse than some riders some of the time. Your position will likely change over the course of the ride...several times.
20. Never take things like being able to get off of your bike for granted. Sometimes you just can't.
So, what do you learn when you spend 8 hours on two skinny wheels and a tiny uncomfortable seat?
1. Keep your eyes on the road. Holes and bumps often sneak up unexpectedly, and if you're not prepared for them, you're liable to hit them or fall in. Some of the bumps cannot be avoided, but if you are ready for them, you can brace yourself, making the impact less threatening.
2. Things on the road are not the only threats you will face. Some dangers will come out of nowhere, barking and growling and threatening to chase you down. Others will come in like a gust of wind, ready to knock you over, unseen, but nonetheless felt.
3. Nourishment is vital. You will run out of fuel, and you need to make sure you keep your tank full.
4. Never underestimate the power of a word of encouragement. Sometimes a smile or a 'Good Job!' is enough to get you the next 10 miles.
5. Those that are available to help you are not often right in front of your eyes. Sometimes you have to seek out a helping hand intentionally, or you will miss the opportunity.
6. Things that appear to be obstacles sometimes change into opportunities. That wind that was blowing in your face and slowing you down turns into a wonderful push when you change direction.
7. A good song (or two or eight) can be the difference between staying sane and going nuts when you are out on the road by yourself. It becomes a wonderful companion for those lonely miles.
8. Be prepared. Making sure you have extra supplies and tools can be the difference between success and failure when you have an unexpected accident.
9. Not all pain is crippling. Sometimes it just makes the journey a little harder for a while.
10. Not all pain lasts forever.
11. Hills are both good and bad. Most uphills have an accompanying downhill...but not all of them do.
12. There are other riders on the same journey as you. Often they are facing the same struggles you are...and sharing the same joys. Befriend them - learn from them - encourage them.
13. Sometimes you can move just as fast going downhill without pedaling as you can going uphill pedaling...or even faster. Take advantage of those times.
14. Trust your vehicle.
15. Take time to say hi to old friends, especially those that have been doing what you're doing for longer than you. They often have wise advice.
16. There are people looking out for you.
17. Windbreaks are nice, but don't always 'break' the wind. Sometimes they just turn a wind that is a cross wind into a headwind for a moment.
18. Appearances aren't everything...for either the rider or the bike. Some of the more beat up looking bikes and unlikely (or young) riders are just as good (if not better) than the shiny bikes and the 'hardcore' looking riders.
19. You are going to be better than some riders some of the time and worse than some riders some of the time. Your position will likely change over the course of the ride...several times.
20. Never take things like being able to get off of your bike for granted. Sometimes you just can't.
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