The Company That You Keep...

I got a wonderful note from my boyfriend this morning before work that had the same title as this post. It seemed to fit the myriad thoughts that have been rolling around in my mind as of late, and I decided to borrow the words.

I think part of the reason writing in this blog is always so difficult for me is because I wait so long that I have so much to say, and can't figure out how to either put it all into words, or condense it down into something that makes sense.

It's been a wild ride lately, between being busy, having some interesting conversations with friends, having interesting things go on with other friends...and the like. I spent the better part of last weekend and the beginning of this week stewing over a comment that a friend of mine made, and in hearing said comment, learning that several months worth of fretting were over nothing at all. This should be cause for relief, but in this case, it made both me and my boyfriend wonder what sort of friendship we really have with our friend. He'd been making both of us think there was something wrong, either with out friendship, or with him. Turns out he was playing a game, trying to screw with us to achieve a desired end. Well, he got it...but unfortunately, not in the way he'd hoped. When confronted about his efforts, he laughed. Not quite the response I had hoped for.

So much of life is influenced by the people we spend our time with. Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly being changed and molded by what happens. When the people around us are positive, we are positive. When the people around us are negative, we become negative. The same is true in reverse, of course. So, why do we sometimes put up with the people that drive us nuts?

I suppose it is because we see something. We find something in them that we feel drawn to, for whatever reason, and once that connection has been made, it is difficult to undo. I don't have intentions of breaking off a friendship for one little thing like this - after all, we all do dumb things and have to answer for our mistakes. I think what bothered me most in this particular instance, was the reaction I got to telling him I didn't appreciate what he'd done to us. He just seemed to shrug it off and smile like it was no big deal, while in the meantime, I am doing everything I can not to either yell or cry. So, now it's over...mostly...we both spent a week on our own avoiding the house, and this week they take off for vacation - so we got a much needed hiatus from drama. I think we're still planning on confronting him about what this did to us...and how much is made us question our trust in his actions.

So, what in the world does all of this have to to with the goofy pair of shoes on my feet? Those glorified toe socks are called Vibram FiveFingers - shoes that are designed to take us back to a more natural way of running and walking. The thing is, even though we are meant to be able to run and walk without a bunch of fancy padding and support mechanisms on our feet, after growing up with it and living that way for years, you can't just go back to the way things were supposed to be...you have to ease into it gradually...otherwise, it hurts. A lot.

It has to do with learning...learning how we are supposed to "run" after years of being misdirected and overprotected. We can learn how to go back to the way things are supposed to be, but it will hurt. Things happen that make us wonder if the right way really is the best way, but if we keep at it, we can make it work. We can get back to normal.

Eventually...

Emotionally Inclined

I'm a girl.

I've recently been informed that because of this, I act out of emotion.

While I will never deny that girls have a tendency to act more emotional at times, and to show more emotion, I resent the idea that because I am a girl, that means any argument I have is basically worthless, because I am speaking out of emotion when I argue.

I can't speak for myself, as that is far too biased, but I happen to think that in the overly emotional spectrum, I'm not that high up on the scale. I really don't like drama. I get frustrated when I spend too much time with other girls, because I can't handle all the junk they create for themselves, or that they seem to attract like magnets. My closest friends in college were guys, and the group of people I tend to hang around with now are primarily guys.

So, to be accused of being overly emotional was not something I took well, especially from the guy who was the accuser, considering the fact that the thing that led to the argument was him trying to draw information out of a mutual friend of ours because she seemed down in the dumps. Turns out, it had more to do with the fact that he was concerned she was mad at him and he wanted to know why (oh, and by the way, he's married with kids, not just some post college single guy , in case you thought this was just a case of college-style drama). Sounds like something girls freak out about, actually.

The argument led to me being accosted because I had told him to leave her alone after the fifth or sixth time he had asked her what was wrong, and I told him just to drop it, that regardless of whether there was something wrong or not, he was not helping the situation. He told me I had jumped all over him, and more or less that I wasn't being a very good friend because I didn't get to the heart of what was going on. He then told me a story about a couple they knew, and how the wife had gotten mad at the husband because she was upset about something, and the husband asked the wife what was wrong, and she said nothing, so he dropped it. She wanted him to pursue the issue, and was mad when he didn't keep asking what was wrong. First of all, this is ridiculous. Men (and women for that matter), cannot read minds. And, if she wanted to be asked about what was wrong, she shouldn't have lied in the first place. Finally, my friend is not my other friend's wife.

The underlying problem in this situation, when it really comes to it, is that my guy friend thinks my other friend is a closer friend than she really is. Truthfully, while she would still call him a friend, to her, he's not the caliber friend that she would go to with problems or to just chat about things. She doesn't have to tell him anything. And while I know she does, at times, have a tendency to bottle things up, I am certain that she's not facing things completely alone. I talk to her, she has a wonderful boyfriend who I am sure she can go to with difficult stuff, and other friends as well. But you can't tell him that. It'd be difficult to tell anyone that.

So, I came out the bad guy. I ended the "argument" as it were, after being harassed by both him and his wife for my emotionally charged side of the argument, very angry, and convinced that I'd probably said something that I shouldn't have, because they both seemed to think I was out of line. I stewed for the night, praying neither of them would bring it up again, because I didn't think I'd be able to handle it as well the second time around.

I guess that's a final piece of the story - I can have arguments with people, even fairly heated ones, without that argument ever affecting the way the friendship/relationship is in the first place. The wife seems to operate under the impression that if you are arguing with someone, the very fabric of the relationship is at stake depending on the outcome. For me, I need to have the argument, I need to say what I feel needs to be said, and when it's all over, it's over. That's it.

So, I tiptoed around the next day, hoping it wasn't going to get brought up again, and had the chance to talk over the situation with my boyfriend, who was there during the argument, and his family, who heard the story recounted by the two of us. He didn't think I'd said anything out of line, either in telling him to stop badgering my friend, or in the argument that followed. So, I finally let it go - and it hasn't been brought up since.

Sigh...oh, if there's a teenager reading this...don't get your hopes up too high. Drama doesn't go away after high school. Or college. Or...well, ever, for that matter. So you better get good at handling it. :)

One Word - - -

More than once, I have told youth of mine (I work with teenagers in a church, for those of you that don't know), that doing God's work is as simple as smiling at someone or doing a good deed like opening a door. I do believe that's true, and I tell them because it's non threatening, but I think sometimes, it seems too simple, seems too generic and it's really just a knee jerk comment. But today, I was reminded of why it's so important.

I was at the gas station this morning grabbing some juice and breakfast on my way to work, which was something I waffled about for a while in the first place. Did I really need to hit up the store? Surely I'd be fine with something small at work, anyway. But, my whim won out, and I stopped. I grabbed my purchases and went to the counter to pay, where I was asked by the cashier how I was doing. I smiled and said 'good,' and he stopped, looked at me with a smile of his own, and said, 'Wow, that's nice to hear! So many folks this morning just grumble about what's wrong...you just made my day!' He finished ringing me up, thanked me again by name (I'd paid with a card), and wished me well.

All I did was smile and say one word. That simple thing changed my morning for the better, and may even change the mornings of the next few people he talks to as well. So, for those of you who are wondering if those little gestures really do matter, here's proof that they do. :)