I was trying to come up with some clever twist on the song 'Tell me what you want' as I debated what to call this particular posting. The inspiration came from a question in a book I am currently reading, called 'Sticky Faith.' The question was - 'When people decide to read a book, they are often trying to solve a problem. What problem(s) are you hoping to address by reading this book?'
There were other questions posed too, but this one made me think about a question I've been getting asked a lot lately, and one that I've been either struggling to answer, or feeling like I've answered differently than I am actually feeling. That question is, 'how are things going in your new ministry so far?'
Part of the reason I've been getting this question so much is that others are learning about my transition from one ministry in Fairmont (and one church in Fairmont) to another ministry and church in Fairmont. Admittedly, things have been going pretty well, from a fairly basic standpoint. I get along with most of the kids, I am learning how to do ministry in a new church, kids have been coming to the ministry I've been doing, and relationships are being developed. So, good.
But what I've been struggling with is how 'good' is 'good?' Am I simply existing in ministry? Am I growing within the new ministry, or am I simply comparing what seems to be good here with some of the things that weren't as 'good' at my old ministry site? What is my measure of success? I think it is those questions that sometimes leave me feeling speechless.
Beginning a ministry in a new church in the same community as your old church is not something I would necessarily recommend. There are some strange things that happen when you do. First, you're still around your old students, some of whom are still mad/sad/disappointed/confused at why you left. Second, you're around the new youth leader in your old church, who might feel awkward/threatened/confused around you. (Incidentally, while I haven't spent a lot of time talking to her, I do consider myself to be on good terms with her and am doing my best to stay out of the way of her ministry.) Third, if you were at all established in the community, some of the people in your new church will know you, if not well, at least by name or association, which means that they might already think or operate as if you know them, when in fact, you don't. Part of this difficulty is my own fault, however, because knowing this, I need to be putting myself out there more and introducing myself to people that might know me, but I don't know them. At least not well enough. Fourth, because others have seen you in ministry before and believe you to be at least mostly competent in ministry (which I believe is true of me, as much as I can attest to it - I didn't say awesome at ministry, just competent), and sometimes don't tell you certain things because it is either assumed that you already know them or they just forget to tell you because you've been around in other capacities for a while. (In addition, I have to be careful that I don't just 'carry on where I left off' in my old ministry - the students are different, the congregation is different, and while I am able, of course, to use some of the things I have developed before and transfer them here, I cannot necessarily use them in the same way.) The list goes on, certainly, but these are the things that regularly come up in my mind.
I have been talking to different people during my time at my new church, some within the church, some not. I have started getting to know the people, some of the leanings of the church body, some of the difficulties and struggles that are different and yet always present. No church is perfect, no matter how much this seems to be true before you get involved. I know this, but always have to relearn it.
I have been in conversation with both some students in the ministry and others at the church as well, and I know that if I want to continue to be able to answer others that ask this same question in a positive way, I have to have a way to know if I have been meeting my goals and the goals of others. In addition, I need to be able to have a way to confidently say that I am working towards God's goals for ministry - that I am working to train kids as disciples and giving them ways to grow in their faith. I need to fight off the desire to be comfortable and 'carry on' - something we talked about last week in our Sunday night youth group study. I have to be comfortable striving for change, and I have to be faithful in carrying out the charge I have been given to teach and guide others in faith, spreading the Gospel 'to the ends of the earth.'
What am I hoping to get out of the book? What problems am I hoping to address? My own complacency (before it has a chance to set in), my desire to carry on the strong leadership and growth, and my desire to redevelop my definition of ministry in a new setting. Have I done that? Will I do that? Time will tell.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
Understanding
I don't think I understood just how much the title of my blog as a whole would come to represent the life I've been living this past year. I read back to my last two blog posts - one just before losing my job of 5.5 years, one just after starting a new one, and now, I write three months into another different job - and as a married woman.
A lot has changed.
I have changed.
After leaving my first full time ministry job, I began a temporary job at a youth detention facility - as a paraprofessional for a 9th grade boy with autism. I'd never before worked so closely with someone with a disability, but in a crash course of sorts and working under a great mentor and now friend, I spent three months amongst teenagers ranging in age from 14-18, mostly boys, who had found their way into the facility for reasons ranging from underage smoking to assault and theft. It was exciting and difficult and rewarding - and those three months were full of their own adventures - the facility undergoing inspection, the boy I worked with having a seizure, and the ongoing turnover of students. I came to care for a number of them - but all the while missing one thing - the deeper connections I was able to have with the students when I worked at a church.
We could certainly develop working relationships with the students - after all, it is difficult to work with a youth if you don't take time to get to know and understand them - but since I was only around during the school day - I didn't have much time to shoot the breeze and talk with the boys there. I missed the connections I had with so many of the youth in my previous church. I was at the facility for just over three months, my last day at the beginning of June, just two weeks before my wedding. It was bittersweet, as I struggled often with my coworkers and their practices, but I had begun to appreciate the great struggles that so many of the youth faced and developed a different understanding of hardship and overcoming it.
During those same three months, I had volunteered a few times with the youth ministry at the church I had started attending with my then fiance and his family, and I was encouraged to submit a resume, as they were currently in a search for a new youth pastor (yes, pastor - though I'm not ordained, the terminology works a bit different in the Covenant church...). A week before my wedding, I was asked to interview at that same church - and then, I waited. I got married, went on my honeymoon (in Duluth, during the flood), and came back, and waited. Now don't get me wrong, I was actually really enjoying being a housewife, taking care of my new home, cooking, all the good stuff. It was great to be able to bless my husband in that way - he works hard - but I knew I couldn't handle being home all the time - and having a second paycheck was a nice thought. I started looking at other ideas for jobs, but largely, I was waiting to hear back from the church.
Then, about mid July, after a night of kayaking with some friends, and I got a phone call from the pastor, telling me they were putting my name forward for consideration, but that ultimately, I would have to go before the congregation as a whole to give my testimony and then submit to a question and answer time. Their vote would determine whether I would be called or not. It was daunting - and I spent a lot of time worrying before that Sunday morning. I knew the congregation, and many of the people in it, as I had been attending, playing in the praise band, and working with the youth. I also spent a lot of time in prayer and consideration. It is, in my opinion, much more difficult to go before a group of people you know than it is a group of people you don't know - after all - if you don't know them, and things don't go well, you don't have to show up again next Sunday. Here, I would.
Preparing for and then diving into the morning was challenging, but good for me. It gave me a chance to put words to my faith story, and gave me a chance to give my life a voice. It was challenging, because as is true with any congregation and any issue, some topics and thoughts can arise that not everyone will agree upon. It went well, and I was dismissed as they voted - and I waited downstairs until someone came down, telling me, with a hug, that I'd been unanimously called as the new youth pastor. It has been incredible, challenging, daunting, difficult, joyful, wonderful, and everything in-between. I was handed an inspirational and diverse group of youth, one that challenges me, builds me up, and inspires me.
I am challenged by a new congregation and a new denomination, a new way of worshipping and a different church family. I find myself missing my congregants and some of my old ministry often, but I also find myself growing in my faith that had become stagnant and neglected at times in my old ministry amongst the struggles there. I am blessed by my youth, people who support me, and my husband who seems to take all of my roller coaster of emotions and excitement and conflict in stride.
I write this latest 'update' wondering what will be going on in my life the next time I look back - feeling settled for the moment, but knowing that all it takes is one shake of the box of puzzle pieces to upset the order, one shake of the Etch a Sketch to erase what once was, one tug on the edge of the Lite Brite paper to undo the glowing image. I am excited though, knowing I have people who support me, and knowing I have a God who leads me, even when I don't know where I am going next.
A lot has changed.
I have changed.
After leaving my first full time ministry job, I began a temporary job at a youth detention facility - as a paraprofessional for a 9th grade boy with autism. I'd never before worked so closely with someone with a disability, but in a crash course of sorts and working under a great mentor and now friend, I spent three months amongst teenagers ranging in age from 14-18, mostly boys, who had found their way into the facility for reasons ranging from underage smoking to assault and theft. It was exciting and difficult and rewarding - and those three months were full of their own adventures - the facility undergoing inspection, the boy I worked with having a seizure, and the ongoing turnover of students. I came to care for a number of them - but all the while missing one thing - the deeper connections I was able to have with the students when I worked at a church.
We could certainly develop working relationships with the students - after all, it is difficult to work with a youth if you don't take time to get to know and understand them - but since I was only around during the school day - I didn't have much time to shoot the breeze and talk with the boys there. I missed the connections I had with so many of the youth in my previous church. I was at the facility for just over three months, my last day at the beginning of June, just two weeks before my wedding. It was bittersweet, as I struggled often with my coworkers and their practices, but I had begun to appreciate the great struggles that so many of the youth faced and developed a different understanding of hardship and overcoming it.
During those same three months, I had volunteered a few times with the youth ministry at the church I had started attending with my then fiance and his family, and I was encouraged to submit a resume, as they were currently in a search for a new youth pastor (yes, pastor - though I'm not ordained, the terminology works a bit different in the Covenant church...). A week before my wedding, I was asked to interview at that same church - and then, I waited. I got married, went on my honeymoon (in Duluth, during the flood), and came back, and waited. Now don't get me wrong, I was actually really enjoying being a housewife, taking care of my new home, cooking, all the good stuff. It was great to be able to bless my husband in that way - he works hard - but I knew I couldn't handle being home all the time - and having a second paycheck was a nice thought. I started looking at other ideas for jobs, but largely, I was waiting to hear back from the church.
Then, about mid July, after a night of kayaking with some friends, and I got a phone call from the pastor, telling me they were putting my name forward for consideration, but that ultimately, I would have to go before the congregation as a whole to give my testimony and then submit to a question and answer time. Their vote would determine whether I would be called or not. It was daunting - and I spent a lot of time worrying before that Sunday morning. I knew the congregation, and many of the people in it, as I had been attending, playing in the praise band, and working with the youth. I also spent a lot of time in prayer and consideration. It is, in my opinion, much more difficult to go before a group of people you know than it is a group of people you don't know - after all - if you don't know them, and things don't go well, you don't have to show up again next Sunday. Here, I would.
Preparing for and then diving into the morning was challenging, but good for me. It gave me a chance to put words to my faith story, and gave me a chance to give my life a voice. It was challenging, because as is true with any congregation and any issue, some topics and thoughts can arise that not everyone will agree upon. It went well, and I was dismissed as they voted - and I waited downstairs until someone came down, telling me, with a hug, that I'd been unanimously called as the new youth pastor. It has been incredible, challenging, daunting, difficult, joyful, wonderful, and everything in-between. I was handed an inspirational and diverse group of youth, one that challenges me, builds me up, and inspires me.
I am challenged by a new congregation and a new denomination, a new way of worshipping and a different church family. I find myself missing my congregants and some of my old ministry often, but I also find myself growing in my faith that had become stagnant and neglected at times in my old ministry amongst the struggles there. I am blessed by my youth, people who support me, and my husband who seems to take all of my roller coaster of emotions and excitement and conflict in stride.
I write this latest 'update' wondering what will be going on in my life the next time I look back - feeling settled for the moment, but knowing that all it takes is one shake of the box of puzzle pieces to upset the order, one shake of the Etch a Sketch to erase what once was, one tug on the edge of the Lite Brite paper to undo the glowing image. I am excited though, knowing I have people who support me, and knowing I have a God who leads me, even when I don't know where I am going next.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Selah - Blessed.
Blessings come in many different forms. Some are obvious, some are not. Some come in the form of happy occurrences, others come in the form of heartbreak.
I sat in my office a little over a month ago while the council president informed me that I was being asked to resign. I sat in disbelief as the words hit me like an explosion. As I sat, she reassured me, saying more than once how she hoped in time that I could see the circumstance as a blessing - to see God's hand at work even in difficulty.
I sat again a few weeks later in my senior pastor's office as we did the exit interview, where a second member of the committee that had decided to let me go assured me of the same thing - that this was a blessing in disguise, one that would allow me to move on to new and better things that God had in store. He even had a personal anecdote that proved the point.
In this case, it may have been true, but based on the way that events took place, it sounded more like an excuse, one that let them make their decision with little or none of the responsibility of the consequences. Good things have happened since I've been gone from my former church. I would be lying if I said they had not. However, it has also been a crazy, trying experience, one that I have struggled with off and on as I try to figure out what comes next in life - as I prepare to get married, as I embark on new career paths and make choices about my future.
So many people have said, 'Oh, well at least now you have lots of time to get ready for your wedding!' Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way - but two things are wrong with that - one: it is tough to see unemployment as a break when you don't know where your next paycheck is going to come from - and two: my 'break' consisted of one week of looking for a job, interviewing, hoping, being disappointed, and then, a crazy whirlwind job offer that meant I started training for my new job one week after leaving my old one.
One thing that has been a blessing for me right now is that I have been able to go to worship, together with my fiance, at his church, where I can simply go to worship and not be at work. It's something you take for granted until your workplace and worship place are the same place. So many folks, over the course of my time left at the church had asked if I was planning on going to seminary now, because '...you would be such a great pastor! You're so good at preaching!'
I don't know right now if I would want to be a pastor, for fear that I would rarely be able to just sit and worship - ever. It has been so nice to sit and worship, sing, pray, and listen to God's word preached without any other distractions or responsibilities. I can see myself as a youth director in another congregation some day, when, I don't know. I also always tell people that I will never rule out the possibility of becoming a pastor - just that I don't see it in my life plan right now.
It's also been nice to have some time to read the Bible and do some studying on my own - independent of work - something I hadn't been good at in recent months. That's actually what this post was a result of - a lenten study about how important it is to stop and just be - to simply rest in God. It's a good reminder - something we all need.
"the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;"
Psalm 1:5
I sat in my office a little over a month ago while the council president informed me that I was being asked to resign. I sat in disbelief as the words hit me like an explosion. As I sat, she reassured me, saying more than once how she hoped in time that I could see the circumstance as a blessing - to see God's hand at work even in difficulty.
I sat again a few weeks later in my senior pastor's office as we did the exit interview, where a second member of the committee that had decided to let me go assured me of the same thing - that this was a blessing in disguise, one that would allow me to move on to new and better things that God had in store. He even had a personal anecdote that proved the point.
In this case, it may have been true, but based on the way that events took place, it sounded more like an excuse, one that let them make their decision with little or none of the responsibility of the consequences. Good things have happened since I've been gone from my former church. I would be lying if I said they had not. However, it has also been a crazy, trying experience, one that I have struggled with off and on as I try to figure out what comes next in life - as I prepare to get married, as I embark on new career paths and make choices about my future.
So many people have said, 'Oh, well at least now you have lots of time to get ready for your wedding!' Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way - but two things are wrong with that - one: it is tough to see unemployment as a break when you don't know where your next paycheck is going to come from - and two: my 'break' consisted of one week of looking for a job, interviewing, hoping, being disappointed, and then, a crazy whirlwind job offer that meant I started training for my new job one week after leaving my old one.
One thing that has been a blessing for me right now is that I have been able to go to worship, together with my fiance, at his church, where I can simply go to worship and not be at work. It's something you take for granted until your workplace and worship place are the same place. So many folks, over the course of my time left at the church had asked if I was planning on going to seminary now, because '...you would be such a great pastor! You're so good at preaching!'
I don't know right now if I would want to be a pastor, for fear that I would rarely be able to just sit and worship - ever. It has been so nice to sit and worship, sing, pray, and listen to God's word preached without any other distractions or responsibilities. I can see myself as a youth director in another congregation some day, when, I don't know. I also always tell people that I will never rule out the possibility of becoming a pastor - just that I don't see it in my life plan right now.
It's also been nice to have some time to read the Bible and do some studying on my own - independent of work - something I hadn't been good at in recent months. That's actually what this post was a result of - a lenten study about how important it is to stop and just be - to simply rest in God. It's a good reminder - something we all need.
"the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;"
Psalm 1:5
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