Free to fly - - -

I heard from Terry today for the first time since he left - and his excitement was contagious. Somehow, knowing how happy he is, how truly called he feels to be where he is at, and knowing that this truly was meant to be, somehow makes it easier to accept that he isn't around Grace anymore. Because - you can't be in two places at once...and Terry has to be in his rightful place as a bishop's assistant.

I just got done watching Shawshank Redemption and couldn't help but smile when Red was talking at the end of the movie, reflecting on how his friend Andy had gotten out - saying -

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty that they're gone.

I guess I just miss my friend."

Terry was a bright spot at Grace - and will be remembered for having been so. He wasn't "locked up" there, but simply on a part of his journey. He has now gone on to a new and amazing part of that journey, and I do rejoice for the joy of the call he has found. We are always going to miss those that have touched our lives - those we have gotten a chance to walk beside and learn from while we shared a part of our journey through life together. Those people never really do leave, because their influence and wisdom live on with us and guide us - and as we continue to follow and watch them as they continue on the new part of their lives, they are able to impart upon us more wisdom, new wisdom that they gain through growing and learning as they continue on their paths.

I look forward to hearing about the new things my friend will see and do as he grows in this new position - and can't wait to keep walking alongside...learning still.

With Hope - - -

Yesterday I was reminded of just how often two very different feelings can exist at the same time. Yesterday was the first time it really seemed odd to have one less pastor around - I kept having people talk about the fact that Terry wouldn't be around for the school year, and just seeing all the spots that now only Steve's name and my name remain on some of the confirmation stuff, on letters, etc. But, at the same time, yesterday was one of the first days that it really seemed "normal" - as if I was being reminded that life still goes on even when pieces of it are changing or being taken out of the equation.

I was on my way back from the dentist this morning as I was musing over all of this - being excited about the fall, and a song popped into my head - one by Steven Curtis Chapman called "With Hope." The song refers more to losing a loved one, but it wasn't that I feel that way about the situation, it was the phrasing that made me think of it. The chorus is as follows:

And we can cry with hope,
we can say goodbye with hope,
cuz' we know our goodbye is not the end, no
and we can grieve with hope,
because we believe with hope,
there's a place where we'll see your face again.

It was the first line that caught my attention - "crying and grieving with hope." What an odd concept - I mean, we have heard the idea of happy tears, but this is not the same - it is seeing that yes, the situation at hand may be difficult, but that isn't all there is. There is more to it than that. These two feelings can exist together - because the feelings are for differen parts of the situation. It is never easy to have a friend or mentor be away from us after we are used to their presence, but I think often it is necessary for that to happen at times so we can grow from what we have learned from them.

My dentist just happens to be a member of my church, and he commented today that in the past, it was difficult as they watched other pastors come and go, ones they liked, and thinking it would be difficult to find another one that could live up to the one before. But, as so often happens, we are blessed with another wonderful person - and then get the chance to learn and grow from their presence as well. We grow, we change, we adapt, and then we grow some more. The training wheels eventually have to be taken off before we can learn to ride on just two wheels...

The Little Things - - -

When changes take place, it seems like it is most often the reminders of change that are more difficult to accept than the change itself. Reminders of things that no longer are - closed doors, missing names - all things that are constant reminders of what used to be.

So, how do we look at these things with a sense of the future also tucked in our minds? There is nothing wrong with feeling sadness or confusion during a period of transition, as long as we don't spend our time dwelling on the fact that things are never going to be the same, or that they won't be as good as they were, or that we won't be able to handle the new developments. Things won't be the same...after all, isn't that the meaning of change? We don't know what the future holds, but if we remember that we are not the ones who are in control (of much more than our attitudes toward what is happening), we are free to experience the things that happen around us. Reminding ourselves to be open to what is happening and to make the best out of situations that arise will help us better accept that God's hand is at work in all that is going on.

Forging on ahead - - -

I had an interesting revelation today - spurred on by a first look at the beginning of the call process. Interesting that something I thought would cause pain to consider would be something that seemed to ease my mind - something that meant looking at the future. Believeing that Terry was supposed to accept the call he received means that we at Grace are being led to a new pastor and leader, and that one is being led to us...so simultaneoulsy, Grace is being called. I have to believe that Terry, in being called to be a bishop's assistant, was called to leave Grace. Now, this might seem like a ridiculously obvious statement, however, it didn't seem so obvious a couple of days ago. That isn't where the revelation ends though - by believing that Terry was called to leave Grace, that also means that someone else has been called to become a part of Grace, and to become our new pastor.

I think the reason that fact seems so hard to accept is because it feels like we are supposed to be "replacing" Terry - even when I know we are not. The new pastor that is called to Grace will be our new pastor, not a replacement pastor. Things will be different, and that is okay - and even good. Change is difficult, but necessary at times, and remembering that calling a new pastor means turning a page in Grace's history book and embracing what it means to go new directions with our ministry through God's will.

I wondered what it was going to feel like to walk back through the doors the first time knowing that Terry was no longer there. I had a conversation with him back when this process started three weeks ago about what it would be like for his kids during the year that he is away from them, and I remember making a comment about how they could see their new responsibilities as a way of helping their dad from a distance, by carrying on at home with things that needed to be done, and taking ownership in the process. That was sort of what I felt as I got to the church - like I had a legacy to carry on, duties to fulfill, and stepping up to take up the slack. I feel like I have a new charge.

Tomorrow is my first actual day back in the office - I have a lot to do to get ready for the school year.

A parting thought - Psalm 117.

Praise the Lord, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Praise the Lord.

Go in peace, serve the Lord - - -

I'm scared. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't - but in that fear, there is also excitement.

I am five minutes into the first day working at Grace without Terry - and it doesn't seem real. I know in my head he's not there anymore, but it doesn't seem like any more than another vacation.

I spent a lot of time tonight having a conversation that I didn't expect to have - about what is going on in life right now - confusion, conflict, uncertainty - TRANSITION. I talked about what it means to have a natural balance upset.

I feel like there is a challenge set before me - I had to stop and smile when I heard Lisa say - it will be good to feel discomfort and difficulty as we go through change at Grace - because it makes us realize how important it is to work together as a team - and as a church family.

After all, stasis is not ministry. We have to periodically undergo change, even when change means that things might be very different and chaotic for a while.

God, into your hands we commend our spirits...

You are the potter...

We are your clay.