You were right.
All along.
But I guess, somewhere, if only subconsciously, no girl want to say that to a guy. At least that would make sense. Or be a good excuse.
Because you were right, when you typed those words for the first time, said you liked me, and thought I liked you too. Yeah. I did. After all, anyone who can laugh at Monty Python with me and appreciate that kind of stupid humor is worth it in my eyes.
But then, who knows. As I said, perhaps it's just an ingrained desire to have the upper hand - I don't know and probably never will. But, it's for that reason that I came to understand even more the appreciation I have for second chances. And third chances. And even fourth ones.
Because I love you. I knew there was something there...but didn't know what. I'd gotten so used to being on the other side of that question, being the one to take the step into unknown territory, and find that you'd read the map wrong, that this place wasn't really what you thought it was. So, I guess maybe I'd forgotten when I said no, forgotten what it felt like to hear that word myself.
Thank God for obnoxious friends, ones who ask you if you've talked to him yet. Wait, did you have a conversation? Hey, come out with us, we can do a double date. And oh yeah, by the way, we'll already be in the area, so could you guys come up on your own? Then, shoot, well, I guess you were right all along, did I lose my chance? I did...dang...well, if that is the case, I'll just get my closure and be done. Oh. Well. Um. So, remember how we said we should play guitar together? Um, yeah. Let's do that.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Giving Up Who I Thought I Was
I am a child of God. That is my true identity.
It's not that we don't believe that is true.
We just have a hard time taking the hand that is held out to us.
***
Be honest enough to ask the right questions, yes, the ones that make you squirm.
***
Unexpected adventure.
The turnoffs are there for evangelistic purposes...Roadside Redemption.
3)))Empower an evangelistic leader within your church. Mountain ministry. Ebb and flow. Pacific Northwest vs. the Rockies. Peer to the pastor. Accosted with the Gospel...a spiritual terrorist. Don't just put their name in the bulletin. Meet with them, pray, work with them and build them up so that they feel ready to move forward. 4)))Turn them loose on the congregation. 5)))Rally a team of specialists. 6)))Unleash a variety of outreach ministries and events. This is where it gets fun...but don't jump here too early. Maybe it's not your thing...but it might be someone else's. And, if those things aren't your thing, then what is your thing? 'Do you like that music?' 'No, but I like the people that like that music.'
We expect people to go out and share their faith, but we don't train them how first. You don't put on a pair of roller blades and get shoved out in the parking lot. Even pilots start in flight simulators before they have our bodies in a plane that they are responsible for.
We live in a culture that is militated against the things we are here to talk about.
It's not that we don't believe that is true.
We just have a hard time taking the hand that is held out to us.
***
Be honest enough to ask the right questions, yes, the ones that make you squirm.
***
Unexpected adventure.
The turnoffs are there for evangelistic purposes...Roadside Redemption.
3)))Empower an evangelistic leader within your church. Mountain ministry. Ebb and flow. Pacific Northwest vs. the Rockies. Peer to the pastor. Accosted with the Gospel...a spiritual terrorist. Don't just put their name in the bulletin. Meet with them, pray, work with them and build them up so that they feel ready to move forward. 4)))Turn them loose on the congregation. 5)))Rally a team of specialists. 6)))Unleash a variety of outreach ministries and events. This is where it gets fun...but don't jump here too early. Maybe it's not your thing...but it might be someone else's. And, if those things aren't your thing, then what is your thing? 'Do you like that music?' 'No, but I like the people that like that music.'
We expect people to go out and share their faith, but we don't train them how first. You don't put on a pair of roller blades and get shoved out in the parking lot. Even pilots start in flight simulators before they have our bodies in a plane that they are responsible for.
We live in a culture that is militated against the things we are here to talk about.
Music In the Missional Church
Meaningful musical experiences outside the church.
Climbing a mountain singing a song
Being in a band with friends
Writing a song with a friend
Looking into eyes that see words forming melodies of life eyes that see music forming. He sees so much more that what any of us do...He can't see us, but he understands us...he knows us. He tells stories and paints pictures. Goth makeup and black clothes that he's never seen. They were singing it like no one was watching. Like the last song they'd ever get to sing. He can't see the smiles, see the tears, see the standing ovation.
Hearing voices singing hymns from memory.
You hear the average anthem and the average praise song, you associate them with the "innoculations" that we've heard in the Bible...Lion King and the circle of life - we relate to this. We have to sing versus what we wish we were singing.
The idea of preaching at a wedding versus preaching at a funeral...hope versus celebration, that which we want to happen that might not, that which has happened, the story of a life lived...telling our stories versus telling someone else.
Side by side (we don't have a barrel of money)...walkin' along, singin' a song, The whole song is the gospel. It's about what we're looking for...we see what we're looking for. New languages to sing the gospel. 3000 church leaders understood it for the first time. Who are we talking to? We're so stuck in what we "should" be doing.
We have to have music in every conceivable musical language. Pipe organ and drums together...why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Honoring the heritage but bravely using something new.
What would happen if when we sang one of the old great hymns, if we told a story about the hymn...what it meant to our Grandpa, Pairing music with story.
The girl that slept around and did drugs. Did alcohol. Led mom's sons astray. But then I went to a christian rock concert and heard a song. With drums. Grandma, will you listen to that song? with drums in church? will you let me share it with you?
I come to the garden alone. I hated that song. 1989... a pastor from China who was put in prison for his faith...my job is to shovel out the cesspool. I was there by myself. I can sing as loud as I want. I only know one christian song, I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE...and the cesspool becomes my garden. I have to respond to the story. I don't have a choice. 5000 of us sing...and 5000 of us have tears in our eyes. We have to respond. We've heard the story.
Every church has people that speak country, jazz, folk music...what happens if you read the pentecost story, preach a pentecost sermon, and you do the hymn of the day 'the answer my friend is blowing in the wind' and the old hippie who knew they were going to change the world hears that song and recounts stories about their time in jail...you have hooked them.
Trinity Sunday - the comforter who has come. One is the loneliest number...wow. Holy Crap. We're not alone. we need to be able to speak many musical languages. Music therapy.
I brought you this dinner because I believe that God wants us to love each other...goodnight. That was all.
The man who pounds on the strings of the piano...The keys are too limiting.
It's dangerous to have the services split. the traditional for the old folks, the contemporary for the families, a 20 something service, but we're tearing apart the fabric of the church. What would happen if you told your jazz musicians that they should do one piece, a blues piece, about being alone. Combine the things. the jazz musicians get to hear Handel singing the blues, and Handel gets to hear the jazz musicians singing the blues.
If I start praying with a song...maybe someone else will sing and pray along.
Climbing a mountain singing a song
Being in a band with friends
Writing a song with a friend
Looking into eyes that see words forming melodies of life eyes that see music forming. He sees so much more that what any of us do...He can't see us, but he understands us...he knows us. He tells stories and paints pictures. Goth makeup and black clothes that he's never seen. They were singing it like no one was watching. Like the last song they'd ever get to sing. He can't see the smiles, see the tears, see the standing ovation.
Hearing voices singing hymns from memory.
You hear the average anthem and the average praise song, you associate them with the "innoculations" that we've heard in the Bible...Lion King and the circle of life - we relate to this. We have to sing versus what we wish we were singing.
The idea of preaching at a wedding versus preaching at a funeral...hope versus celebration, that which we want to happen that might not, that which has happened, the story of a life lived...telling our stories versus telling someone else.
Side by side (we don't have a barrel of money)...walkin' along, singin' a song, The whole song is the gospel. It's about what we're looking for...we see what we're looking for. New languages to sing the gospel. 3000 church leaders understood it for the first time. Who are we talking to? We're so stuck in what we "should" be doing.
We have to have music in every conceivable musical language. Pipe organ and drums together...why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Honoring the heritage but bravely using something new.
What would happen if when we sang one of the old great hymns, if we told a story about the hymn...what it meant to our Grandpa, Pairing music with story.
The girl that slept around and did drugs. Did alcohol. Led mom's sons astray. But then I went to a christian rock concert and heard a song. With drums. Grandma, will you listen to that song? with drums in church? will you let me share it with you?
I come to the garden alone. I hated that song. 1989... a pastor from China who was put in prison for his faith...my job is to shovel out the cesspool. I was there by myself. I can sing as loud as I want. I only know one christian song, I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE...and the cesspool becomes my garden. I have to respond to the story. I don't have a choice. 5000 of us sing...and 5000 of us have tears in our eyes. We have to respond. We've heard the story.
Every church has people that speak country, jazz, folk music...what happens if you read the pentecost story, preach a pentecost sermon, and you do the hymn of the day 'the answer my friend is blowing in the wind' and the old hippie who knew they were going to change the world hears that song and recounts stories about their time in jail...you have hooked them.
Trinity Sunday - the comforter who has come. One is the loneliest number...wow. Holy Crap. We're not alone. we need to be able to speak many musical languages. Music therapy.
I brought you this dinner because I believe that God wants us to love each other...goodnight. That was all.
The man who pounds on the strings of the piano...The keys are too limiting.
It's dangerous to have the services split. the traditional for the old folks, the contemporary for the families, a 20 something service, but we're tearing apart the fabric of the church. What would happen if you told your jazz musicians that they should do one piece, a blues piece, about being alone. Combine the things. the jazz musicians get to hear Handel singing the blues, and Handel gets to hear the jazz musicians singing the blues.
If I start praying with a song...maybe someone else will sing and pray along.
The Church Is....We Are...
The Dead Sea. No movement, no rainfall. Nothing flowing in, nothing flowing out. Stagnation. The Jordan River. Flowing. Fresh. Teeming with life. This is a better picture of what the church can be like. Discipleship is not just retraining the same old people. It is reaching out. The church as an outpost for the Gospel.Stages - - 1)))Live an evangelistic life. Live it. But I'm not gifted in this. Roughly 5-10 percent would say that they are, but even they don't want to admit it because of the stereotypes that are then bestowed upon them. The Bible is not multiple choice. The Bible is an all of the above. We don't get to pick whether we are going to be a missional church, an outreach church, a contemporary church, a good eating church... I have no special gift, but there are some things I do to try and live out what I have been called to do...let me show you. And we were blown away. You can go out and mess up - - and God might use it anyway. So...what do we do? How do we grow our heart that is four sizes too small? I haven't 'so loved the world' enough to even take care of my neighbor lately. What we become as leaders is what our church is likely to become. We must reflect what we want others to be. A)))Passages. Go to the Bible, find what fires you up. How do we let the word of God dwell in us richly? How do we see through chapter and verse eyes? Hebrews 13:2. Luke 16 - Lazarus. Luke 15 - the Lost - that which is missing. John 4 - the woman at the well. B)))Partner. Who is in your life, that when you are around them, they fire you up to reach for the people on the outside? Amy. Logan. Jeff. Katie. C)))Person. We have to get out of the labratory (lavratory?) and get out on the field. HMMMMmmm... there's a story here... who should we be looking for...to...at...walking with...reaching out to... It would revolutionize our churches if we all had someone that we loved who was far from the Gospel. D)))Prayer. E)))Person.
2)))Once you have been instilled with the desire to evangelize, reach out to those around you and do the same to them. Re-instill the vision, teach others what it means to have that adventure. Pray about it. Focus others. Attack on every front. Do what it takes. This isn't just something we're doing for the month of July. It has to be an ongoing thing. The man tiling the floor behind the friend's desk that you're trying to convert heard the message you thought was for someone else. This is a whole new thing...ricochet evangelism.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
You Can't Do It All Yourself...
"We like to be needed. And we become overconfident in our ability. But we're not God...we're finite." We are crack(ed) pots. I spent a couple hours this afternoon in transit to and at the Apple Store at the Southdale Mall in Edina. It turns out if you stop a computer mid-update, it's basically like giving the poor thing a lobotomy. No organization can rise any higher than its leaders Leaders rarely surround themselves with other leaders...mostly because we don't want to share the spotlight. No leader has ever suffered because his followers were strong. Most people don't do what's expected, they do what's inspected. People will do what they see you do.
I am not omnicompetent.
When I stepped back, my church stepped up.
We have to get the wrong people off the bus, the right people on, and everybody in their right seats.
Sometimes we have to release people and let them go...lovingly. Sometimes they're not going to be happy about it.
Six goals...one for each area of their lives. It took work...but it was necessary. They knew I was taking an interest in their lives.
***
Pachabel's Canon - I wanted to do this by myself...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Chasing the Wild Goose
For the last six months now, a friend of mine and I have been pursuing the idea of opening a coffee shop in town. It was an idea that developed after being approached by a couple of people from the local community college who were interested in finding a place that could be a hangout for some of the students between classes and after for doing homework or just relaxing. Within a few days or weeks, we heard about a grant that was being offered, and thought about just how awesome it would be if we could find a way to develop our coffee shop idea so we could try and secure the grant. We attended the meetings, waited, attended more meetings, waited...and found out that we had not gotten the grant. No, wait, we actually did get the grant - part of it, anyway...but no one told us right away. There began the arduous journey that would be the next several months. Little did we know. And, funny, because part of the grant committee was called TMI - which I feel is exactly what we have gotten over the course of the past few months. or maybe it was the opposite...TLI - too little information. :)
After getting the grant, we had to reconsider exactly what we were going to do, because the amount of money was less than we had originally bargained for. So, we thought partnering would be a better option - not having to start from scratch...and after talking with a handful of people, someone gave us the name of a local woman that was looking to start a coffee shop in town. GREAT!! She even called it an answer to prayer the first time I talked to her on the phone...seriously...it was for us too. So, we talked. Began the process. Dreamed together.
Then...deadlines came. And passed. Timelines were shifted, moved back...lost altogether. We met, waited, met, hemmed and hawed, got grief, got everyone's opinions (whether we wanted them or not), and tried to keep going. For three months.
Turns out, everyone really wants this coffee shop. That's what they say, anyway. They say "we really need one here, that they really want one here...and they wish they could help, but..." That's my favorite comment of all. Honestly, if the answer is no, say that. I'm ok with no. What I'm not ok with is you saying you want to help, but there's no way you can. That doesn't help me. At all.
"The time isn't right." "There is too much uncertainty. We don't know which direction we're going to move with that space, so, the timing is bad." "Have you talked to so and so? I bet they might have an idea..." The comments came. Everyone seems to know someone else that would be a great place for us to go to and get started or find a new springboard...but after the third or fourth one of those things, you start wondering just where that goose is at...hiding just behind the next corner, waiting on the other side of the top of that hill? Who knows.
The funny thing is...today was the best conversation...perhaps the most productive one we've had so far...and our idea was all but completely shot down. I sound bitter...I was...I don't think I am anymore though. You see, today felt like the first time we got any straight answers out of anyone. I'm sick of beating around the bush. Yeah, there was the token 'I'd love to help, but...', but even then...something just felt different. I don't know why. They kept talking about money...thinking they'd lose all sorts of money if we shared space with them. I remember thinking at one point that I wish there was a way to somehow get the money to go to them instead. Sort of the 'kill them with kindness' mentality I suppose. Or something like that.
So, I left the meeting, rode my bike over to the bike shop for a pick me up, and then came back to work, where I found a lovely CER letter waiting for me in my mailbox, about what else...the coffee shop. Another 30 days notice about the grant. Salt in the wound, or icing on the cake? I'm not really sure which at this point. Salty icing? No, that just sounds gross. :)
So, we continue chasing the goose. Or something. I struggle some days with wondering if this should be taken as a sign that this is not meant to happen right now...or happen with us...or happen in this way, or if it is a lesson in perseverance and continuing on even when things seem hopeless. It's a bit like being given a parachute for climbing a wall...sure, we're prepared...but not for the right thing, apparently.
Keep honking, goosey goosey gander. Perhaps one of these days we'll catch you. I hope it's before you die.
After getting the grant, we had to reconsider exactly what we were going to do, because the amount of money was less than we had originally bargained for. So, we thought partnering would be a better option - not having to start from scratch...and after talking with a handful of people, someone gave us the name of a local woman that was looking to start a coffee shop in town. GREAT!! She even called it an answer to prayer the first time I talked to her on the phone...seriously...it was for us too. So, we talked. Began the process. Dreamed together.
Then...deadlines came. And passed. Timelines were shifted, moved back...lost altogether. We met, waited, met, hemmed and hawed, got grief, got everyone's opinions (whether we wanted them or not), and tried to keep going. For three months.
Turns out, everyone really wants this coffee shop. That's what they say, anyway. They say "we really need one here, that they really want one here...and they wish they could help, but..." That's my favorite comment of all. Honestly, if the answer is no, say that. I'm ok with no. What I'm not ok with is you saying you want to help, but there's no way you can. That doesn't help me. At all.
"The time isn't right." "There is too much uncertainty. We don't know which direction we're going to move with that space, so, the timing is bad." "Have you talked to so and so? I bet they might have an idea..." The comments came. Everyone seems to know someone else that would be a great place for us to go to and get started or find a new springboard...but after the third or fourth one of those things, you start wondering just where that goose is at...hiding just behind the next corner, waiting on the other side of the top of that hill? Who knows.
The funny thing is...today was the best conversation...perhaps the most productive one we've had so far...and our idea was all but completely shot down. I sound bitter...I was...I don't think I am anymore though. You see, today felt like the first time we got any straight answers out of anyone. I'm sick of beating around the bush. Yeah, there was the token 'I'd love to help, but...', but even then...something just felt different. I don't know why. They kept talking about money...thinking they'd lose all sorts of money if we shared space with them. I remember thinking at one point that I wish there was a way to somehow get the money to go to them instead. Sort of the 'kill them with kindness' mentality I suppose. Or something like that.
So, I left the meeting, rode my bike over to the bike shop for a pick me up, and then came back to work, where I found a lovely CER letter waiting for me in my mailbox, about what else...the coffee shop. Another 30 days notice about the grant. Salt in the wound, or icing on the cake? I'm not really sure which at this point. Salty icing? No, that just sounds gross. :)
So, we continue chasing the goose. Or something. I struggle some days with wondering if this should be taken as a sign that this is not meant to happen right now...or happen with us...or happen in this way, or if it is a lesson in perseverance and continuing on even when things seem hopeless. It's a bit like being given a parachute for climbing a wall...sure, we're prepared...but not for the right thing, apparently.
Keep honking, goosey goosey gander. Perhaps one of these days we'll catch you. I hope it's before you die.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Why did I...
Guilt is a powerful weapon. Even when it is not used intentionally...or perhaps it is used most powerfully when it is unintentional. Is it still guilt then? Or is it merely a call to be accountable?
Why do we see being asked questions as being questioned as a person, to our very core? Why, when our motives are questioned, when our reasoning is questioned, or even when our not having done something is questioned, do we feel like a puppy who is being scolded for making a mistake?
What is so deeply embedded in our human nature that we feel responsible for everything going on around us...or not going on around us for that matter? Is it because we really are responsible, whether directly or indirectly?
Why do we see being asked questions as being questioned as a person, to our very core? Why, when our motives are questioned, when our reasoning is questioned, or even when our not having done something is questioned, do we feel like a puppy who is being scolded for making a mistake?
What is so deeply embedded in our human nature that we feel responsible for everything going on around us...or not going on around us for that matter? Is it because we really are responsible, whether directly or indirectly?
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