No, don't worry, I haven't come down with some sort of psychological disorder. I am still mentally intact, although, depending on the day, I guess there are probably some friends of mine that might argue otherwise. :)
I got a phone call yesterday from the guy who used to work as the janitor/building manager in the same place that I work, totally out of the blue, just to wish me a Merry Christmas. It surprised me to see his name pop up on my cell phone screen, and it was wonderful to talk to him for a few moments and get to wish him a Merry Christmas as well. I went back to work for the afternoon, and as I was driving home, was thinking about the fact that, though I have great working relationships with the folks that are my coworkers, I don't feel like I know them quite as well as the ones who came before them.
You see, within the last year, roughly two thirds of our staff has turned over for one reason or another. Before the turnover, staff relations among the whole group were strained at best - there was too much under the surface between this person or that person, and group conversations or activities were almost impossible because of that. I'd always gotten along fine with everyone, but when you put the whole group in a room together, silence seemed to prevail...no one really had anything to say to anyone else. Not the best work environment ever. That was the case for the better part of two and a half years.
Then, things started to change. Some people left, new folks were hired...and the staff dynamics changed. Slowly. We went out for lunch together one day after two new folks came on - - and were actually talking together, laughing together, telling stories...which shouldn't be a big deal...but for this group, it was.
As I said before though, I don't feel like I have the same type of relationships with the new folks as I did with the old ones...and maybe, just maybe, that's ok. Maybe work is best left at work, and friendships are best made with those outside of the workplace...who knows?
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
When I grow up, I'm going to be an influence on others...
...good or bad, I guess others can decide.
I'm sitting in my office right now...watching out the window in the parking lot as another person test drives a vehicle from the Ford dealership down the block. It's become a regular occurrence. Every now and again, I glance out the window and see someone doing figure eights in the larger part of the lot, stopping and starting the vehicle, testing its maneuverability. It's important, after all...to know how something that will be your means of transportation will respond to your direction.
I was thinking back to my days in junior high, thinking back to two teachers that might possibly have been my reasons for making it through the junior high mentally intact. You see, though I forget how or why now, one of them asked me if I'd like to be a teacher's assistant for them. I'd sit in their office each day, doing whatever it was they needed done, and playing free cell on the computer when they didn't need anything done.
I wrote a poem when I was in 8th or 9th grade, I think the latter, after hearing a presentation about I don't remember what, one of those drinking and driving presentations I think, at any rate, one of those presentations that they show you while you are in school that is designed to scare you enough to not do whatever thing caused the tragedy in the first place. So, I guess for one reason or another, I responded in words. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
I showed the poem to those teachers, one of whom was a health teacher, and also to one of the leaders at the local Youth for Christ place in town. I think I remember getting a phone call later because they thought the poem was about me, and that I had lost someone tragically or something, and I assured them that was not the case, that I had just written the poem to write it. The teachers, on the other hand, read it and told me that they thought it was good, and that I was a good writer. Now, I don't remember exactly what the poem was about, or whether or not it was good. But they said it was, and I liked how that felt. So, I wrote some more. I wrote a bunch of random poems in those high school years, and I remember going back and sharing them with those teachers.
Fast forward several years, and now I am that person, the one who has the ability to encourage others and to reach out to them. One thing I have learned, is that we have this remarkable ability to either make someone believe in themselves, or make someone doubt that they have any ability at all. I have learned that there is a time and a place for embellishment, and that even if someone might not be great at something, being encouraged has the ability to make them keep on trying, to make them want to be better.
I think people have this messed up idea that someone has to be born with at least some natural talent in an area for them to one day be really good or even great at something. A guitar virtuoso, a wonderful cook, a composer or a writer. But I'm not sure that's true anymore. I think, that given a sufficient amount of time, just the right amount of constructive criticism, and enough room to mess up, if someone has an honest desire to do something, they can become great at it.
It's tough though, as the encourager, to know exactly which way to proceed in those situations. Sometimes the beginning, the 'getting of the ground' for the person who wants to become 'great', is a very messy, very awkward process. And not everyone is going to eventually become great, either.
I'm sitting in my office right now...watching out the window in the parking lot as another person test drives a vehicle from the Ford dealership down the block. It's become a regular occurrence. Every now and again, I glance out the window and see someone doing figure eights in the larger part of the lot, stopping and starting the vehicle, testing its maneuverability. It's important, after all...to know how something that will be your means of transportation will respond to your direction.
I was thinking back to my days in junior high, thinking back to two teachers that might possibly have been my reasons for making it through the junior high mentally intact. You see, though I forget how or why now, one of them asked me if I'd like to be a teacher's assistant for them. I'd sit in their office each day, doing whatever it was they needed done, and playing free cell on the computer when they didn't need anything done.
I wrote a poem when I was in 8th or 9th grade, I think the latter, after hearing a presentation about I don't remember what, one of those drinking and driving presentations I think, at any rate, one of those presentations that they show you while you are in school that is designed to scare you enough to not do whatever thing caused the tragedy in the first place. So, I guess for one reason or another, I responded in words. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
I showed the poem to those teachers, one of whom was a health teacher, and also to one of the leaders at the local Youth for Christ place in town. I think I remember getting a phone call later because they thought the poem was about me, and that I had lost someone tragically or something, and I assured them that was not the case, that I had just written the poem to write it. The teachers, on the other hand, read it and told me that they thought it was good, and that I was a good writer. Now, I don't remember exactly what the poem was about, or whether or not it was good. But they said it was, and I liked how that felt. So, I wrote some more. I wrote a bunch of random poems in those high school years, and I remember going back and sharing them with those teachers.
Fast forward several years, and now I am that person, the one who has the ability to encourage others and to reach out to them. One thing I have learned, is that we have this remarkable ability to either make someone believe in themselves, or make someone doubt that they have any ability at all. I have learned that there is a time and a place for embellishment, and that even if someone might not be great at something, being encouraged has the ability to make them keep on trying, to make them want to be better.
I think people have this messed up idea that someone has to be born with at least some natural talent in an area for them to one day be really good or even great at something. A guitar virtuoso, a wonderful cook, a composer or a writer. But I'm not sure that's true anymore. I think, that given a sufficient amount of time, just the right amount of constructive criticism, and enough room to mess up, if someone has an honest desire to do something, they can become great at it.
It's tough though, as the encourager, to know exactly which way to proceed in those situations. Sometimes the beginning, the 'getting of the ground' for the person who wants to become 'great', is a very messy, very awkward process. And not everyone is going to eventually become great, either.
Monday, October 26, 2009
You were...
You were right.
All along.
But I guess, somewhere, if only subconsciously, no girl want to say that to a guy. At least that would make sense. Or be a good excuse.
Because you were right, when you typed those words for the first time, said you liked me, and thought I liked you too. Yeah. I did. After all, anyone who can laugh at Monty Python with me and appreciate that kind of stupid humor is worth it in my eyes.
But then, who knows. As I said, perhaps it's just an ingrained desire to have the upper hand - I don't know and probably never will. But, it's for that reason that I came to understand even more the appreciation I have for second chances. And third chances. And even fourth ones.
Because I love you. I knew there was something there...but didn't know what. I'd gotten so used to being on the other side of that question, being the one to take the step into unknown territory, and find that you'd read the map wrong, that this place wasn't really what you thought it was. So, I guess maybe I'd forgotten when I said no, forgotten what it felt like to hear that word myself.
Thank God for obnoxious friends, ones who ask you if you've talked to him yet. Wait, did you have a conversation? Hey, come out with us, we can do a double date. And oh yeah, by the way, we'll already be in the area, so could you guys come up on your own? Then, shoot, well, I guess you were right all along, did I lose my chance? I did...dang...well, if that is the case, I'll just get my closure and be done. Oh. Well. Um. So, remember how we said we should play guitar together? Um, yeah. Let's do that.
All along.
But I guess, somewhere, if only subconsciously, no girl want to say that to a guy. At least that would make sense. Or be a good excuse.
Because you were right, when you typed those words for the first time, said you liked me, and thought I liked you too. Yeah. I did. After all, anyone who can laugh at Monty Python with me and appreciate that kind of stupid humor is worth it in my eyes.
But then, who knows. As I said, perhaps it's just an ingrained desire to have the upper hand - I don't know and probably never will. But, it's for that reason that I came to understand even more the appreciation I have for second chances. And third chances. And even fourth ones.
Because I love you. I knew there was something there...but didn't know what. I'd gotten so used to being on the other side of that question, being the one to take the step into unknown territory, and find that you'd read the map wrong, that this place wasn't really what you thought it was. So, I guess maybe I'd forgotten when I said no, forgotten what it felt like to hear that word myself.
Thank God for obnoxious friends, ones who ask you if you've talked to him yet. Wait, did you have a conversation? Hey, come out with us, we can do a double date. And oh yeah, by the way, we'll already be in the area, so could you guys come up on your own? Then, shoot, well, I guess you were right all along, did I lose my chance? I did...dang...well, if that is the case, I'll just get my closure and be done. Oh. Well. Um. So, remember how we said we should play guitar together? Um, yeah. Let's do that.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Giving Up Who I Thought I Was
I am a child of God. That is my true identity.
It's not that we don't believe that is true.
We just have a hard time taking the hand that is held out to us.
***
Be honest enough to ask the right questions, yes, the ones that make you squirm.
***
Unexpected adventure.
The turnoffs are there for evangelistic purposes...Roadside Redemption.
3)))Empower an evangelistic leader within your church. Mountain ministry. Ebb and flow. Pacific Northwest vs. the Rockies. Peer to the pastor. Accosted with the Gospel...a spiritual terrorist. Don't just put their name in the bulletin. Meet with them, pray, work with them and build them up so that they feel ready to move forward. 4)))Turn them loose on the congregation. 5)))Rally a team of specialists. 6)))Unleash a variety of outreach ministries and events. This is where it gets fun...but don't jump here too early. Maybe it's not your thing...but it might be someone else's. And, if those things aren't your thing, then what is your thing? 'Do you like that music?' 'No, but I like the people that like that music.'
We expect people to go out and share their faith, but we don't train them how first. You don't put on a pair of roller blades and get shoved out in the parking lot. Even pilots start in flight simulators before they have our bodies in a plane that they are responsible for.
We live in a culture that is militated against the things we are here to talk about.
It's not that we don't believe that is true.
We just have a hard time taking the hand that is held out to us.
***
Be honest enough to ask the right questions, yes, the ones that make you squirm.
***
Unexpected adventure.
The turnoffs are there for evangelistic purposes...Roadside Redemption.
3)))Empower an evangelistic leader within your church. Mountain ministry. Ebb and flow. Pacific Northwest vs. the Rockies. Peer to the pastor. Accosted with the Gospel...a spiritual terrorist. Don't just put their name in the bulletin. Meet with them, pray, work with them and build them up so that they feel ready to move forward. 4)))Turn them loose on the congregation. 5)))Rally a team of specialists. 6)))Unleash a variety of outreach ministries and events. This is where it gets fun...but don't jump here too early. Maybe it's not your thing...but it might be someone else's. And, if those things aren't your thing, then what is your thing? 'Do you like that music?' 'No, but I like the people that like that music.'
We expect people to go out and share their faith, but we don't train them how first. You don't put on a pair of roller blades and get shoved out in the parking lot. Even pilots start in flight simulators before they have our bodies in a plane that they are responsible for.
We live in a culture that is militated against the things we are here to talk about.
Music In the Missional Church
Meaningful musical experiences outside the church.
Climbing a mountain singing a song
Being in a band with friends
Writing a song with a friend
Looking into eyes that see words forming melodies of life eyes that see music forming. He sees so much more that what any of us do...He can't see us, but he understands us...he knows us. He tells stories and paints pictures. Goth makeup and black clothes that he's never seen. They were singing it like no one was watching. Like the last song they'd ever get to sing. He can't see the smiles, see the tears, see the standing ovation.
Hearing voices singing hymns from memory.
You hear the average anthem and the average praise song, you associate them with the "innoculations" that we've heard in the Bible...Lion King and the circle of life - we relate to this. We have to sing versus what we wish we were singing.
The idea of preaching at a wedding versus preaching at a funeral...hope versus celebration, that which we want to happen that might not, that which has happened, the story of a life lived...telling our stories versus telling someone else.
Side by side (we don't have a barrel of money)...walkin' along, singin' a song, The whole song is the gospel. It's about what we're looking for...we see what we're looking for. New languages to sing the gospel. 3000 church leaders understood it for the first time. Who are we talking to? We're so stuck in what we "should" be doing.
We have to have music in every conceivable musical language. Pipe organ and drums together...why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Honoring the heritage but bravely using something new.
What would happen if when we sang one of the old great hymns, if we told a story about the hymn...what it meant to our Grandpa, Pairing music with story.
The girl that slept around and did drugs. Did alcohol. Led mom's sons astray. But then I went to a christian rock concert and heard a song. With drums. Grandma, will you listen to that song? with drums in church? will you let me share it with you?
I come to the garden alone. I hated that song. 1989... a pastor from China who was put in prison for his faith...my job is to shovel out the cesspool. I was there by myself. I can sing as loud as I want. I only know one christian song, I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE...and the cesspool becomes my garden. I have to respond to the story. I don't have a choice. 5000 of us sing...and 5000 of us have tears in our eyes. We have to respond. We've heard the story.
Every church has people that speak country, jazz, folk music...what happens if you read the pentecost story, preach a pentecost sermon, and you do the hymn of the day 'the answer my friend is blowing in the wind' and the old hippie who knew they were going to change the world hears that song and recounts stories about their time in jail...you have hooked them.
Trinity Sunday - the comforter who has come. One is the loneliest number...wow. Holy Crap. We're not alone. we need to be able to speak many musical languages. Music therapy.
I brought you this dinner because I believe that God wants us to love each other...goodnight. That was all.
The man who pounds on the strings of the piano...The keys are too limiting.
It's dangerous to have the services split. the traditional for the old folks, the contemporary for the families, a 20 something service, but we're tearing apart the fabric of the church. What would happen if you told your jazz musicians that they should do one piece, a blues piece, about being alone. Combine the things. the jazz musicians get to hear Handel singing the blues, and Handel gets to hear the jazz musicians singing the blues.
If I start praying with a song...maybe someone else will sing and pray along.
Climbing a mountain singing a song
Being in a band with friends
Writing a song with a friend
Looking into eyes that see words forming melodies of life eyes that see music forming. He sees so much more that what any of us do...He can't see us, but he understands us...he knows us. He tells stories and paints pictures. Goth makeup and black clothes that he's never seen. They were singing it like no one was watching. Like the last song they'd ever get to sing. He can't see the smiles, see the tears, see the standing ovation.
Hearing voices singing hymns from memory.
You hear the average anthem and the average praise song, you associate them with the "innoculations" that we've heard in the Bible...Lion King and the circle of life - we relate to this. We have to sing versus what we wish we were singing.
The idea of preaching at a wedding versus preaching at a funeral...hope versus celebration, that which we want to happen that might not, that which has happened, the story of a life lived...telling our stories versus telling someone else.
Side by side (we don't have a barrel of money)...walkin' along, singin' a song, The whole song is the gospel. It's about what we're looking for...we see what we're looking for. New languages to sing the gospel. 3000 church leaders understood it for the first time. Who are we talking to? We're so stuck in what we "should" be doing.
We have to have music in every conceivable musical language. Pipe organ and drums together...why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Honoring the heritage but bravely using something new.
What would happen if when we sang one of the old great hymns, if we told a story about the hymn...what it meant to our Grandpa, Pairing music with story.
The girl that slept around and did drugs. Did alcohol. Led mom's sons astray. But then I went to a christian rock concert and heard a song. With drums. Grandma, will you listen to that song? with drums in church? will you let me share it with you?
I come to the garden alone. I hated that song. 1989... a pastor from China who was put in prison for his faith...my job is to shovel out the cesspool. I was there by myself. I can sing as loud as I want. I only know one christian song, I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE...and the cesspool becomes my garden. I have to respond to the story. I don't have a choice. 5000 of us sing...and 5000 of us have tears in our eyes. We have to respond. We've heard the story.
Every church has people that speak country, jazz, folk music...what happens if you read the pentecost story, preach a pentecost sermon, and you do the hymn of the day 'the answer my friend is blowing in the wind' and the old hippie who knew they were going to change the world hears that song and recounts stories about their time in jail...you have hooked them.
Trinity Sunday - the comforter who has come. One is the loneliest number...wow. Holy Crap. We're not alone. we need to be able to speak many musical languages. Music therapy.
I brought you this dinner because I believe that God wants us to love each other...goodnight. That was all.
The man who pounds on the strings of the piano...The keys are too limiting.
It's dangerous to have the services split. the traditional for the old folks, the contemporary for the families, a 20 something service, but we're tearing apart the fabric of the church. What would happen if you told your jazz musicians that they should do one piece, a blues piece, about being alone. Combine the things. the jazz musicians get to hear Handel singing the blues, and Handel gets to hear the jazz musicians singing the blues.
If I start praying with a song...maybe someone else will sing and pray along.
The Church Is....We Are...
The Dead Sea. No movement, no rainfall. Nothing flowing in, nothing flowing out. Stagnation. The Jordan River. Flowing. Fresh. Teeming with life. This is a better picture of what the church can be like. Discipleship is not just retraining the same old people. It is reaching out. The church as an outpost for the Gospel.Stages - - 1)))Live an evangelistic life. Live it. But I'm not gifted in this. Roughly 5-10 percent would say that they are, but even they don't want to admit it because of the stereotypes that are then bestowed upon them. The Bible is not multiple choice. The Bible is an all of the above. We don't get to pick whether we are going to be a missional church, an outreach church, a contemporary church, a good eating church... I have no special gift, but there are some things I do to try and live out what I have been called to do...let me show you. And we were blown away. You can go out and mess up - - and God might use it anyway. So...what do we do? How do we grow our heart that is four sizes too small? I haven't 'so loved the world' enough to even take care of my neighbor lately. What we become as leaders is what our church is likely to become. We must reflect what we want others to be. A)))Passages. Go to the Bible, find what fires you up. How do we let the word of God dwell in us richly? How do we see through chapter and verse eyes? Hebrews 13:2. Luke 16 - Lazarus. Luke 15 - the Lost - that which is missing. John 4 - the woman at the well. B)))Partner. Who is in your life, that when you are around them, they fire you up to reach for the people on the outside? Amy. Logan. Jeff. Katie. C)))Person. We have to get out of the labratory (lavratory?) and get out on the field. HMMMMmmm... there's a story here... who should we be looking for...to...at...walking with...reaching out to... It would revolutionize our churches if we all had someone that we loved who was far from the Gospel. D)))Prayer. E)))Person.
2)))Once you have been instilled with the desire to evangelize, reach out to those around you and do the same to them. Re-instill the vision, teach others what it means to have that adventure. Pray about it. Focus others. Attack on every front. Do what it takes. This isn't just something we're doing for the month of July. It has to be an ongoing thing. The man tiling the floor behind the friend's desk that you're trying to convert heard the message you thought was for someone else. This is a whole new thing...ricochet evangelism.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
You Can't Do It All Yourself...
"We like to be needed. And we become overconfident in our ability. But we're not God...we're finite." We are crack(ed) pots. I spent a couple hours this afternoon in transit to and at the Apple Store at the Southdale Mall in Edina. It turns out if you stop a computer mid-update, it's basically like giving the poor thing a lobotomy. No organization can rise any higher than its leaders Leaders rarely surround themselves with other leaders...mostly because we don't want to share the spotlight. No leader has ever suffered because his followers were strong. Most people don't do what's expected, they do what's inspected. People will do what they see you do.
I am not omnicompetent.
When I stepped back, my church stepped up.
We have to get the wrong people off the bus, the right people on, and everybody in their right seats.
Sometimes we have to release people and let them go...lovingly. Sometimes they're not going to be happy about it.
Six goals...one for each area of their lives. It took work...but it was necessary. They knew I was taking an interest in their lives.
***
Pachabel's Canon - I wanted to do this by myself...
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Chasing the Wild Goose
For the last six months now, a friend of mine and I have been pursuing the idea of opening a coffee shop in town. It was an idea that developed after being approached by a couple of people from the local community college who were interested in finding a place that could be a hangout for some of the students between classes and after for doing homework or just relaxing. Within a few days or weeks, we heard about a grant that was being offered, and thought about just how awesome it would be if we could find a way to develop our coffee shop idea so we could try and secure the grant. We attended the meetings, waited, attended more meetings, waited...and found out that we had not gotten the grant. No, wait, we actually did get the grant - part of it, anyway...but no one told us right away. There began the arduous journey that would be the next several months. Little did we know. And, funny, because part of the grant committee was called TMI - which I feel is exactly what we have gotten over the course of the past few months. or maybe it was the opposite...TLI - too little information. :)
After getting the grant, we had to reconsider exactly what we were going to do, because the amount of money was less than we had originally bargained for. So, we thought partnering would be a better option - not having to start from scratch...and after talking with a handful of people, someone gave us the name of a local woman that was looking to start a coffee shop in town. GREAT!! She even called it an answer to prayer the first time I talked to her on the phone...seriously...it was for us too. So, we talked. Began the process. Dreamed together.
Then...deadlines came. And passed. Timelines were shifted, moved back...lost altogether. We met, waited, met, hemmed and hawed, got grief, got everyone's opinions (whether we wanted them or not), and tried to keep going. For three months.
Turns out, everyone really wants this coffee shop. That's what they say, anyway. They say "we really need one here, that they really want one here...and they wish they could help, but..." That's my favorite comment of all. Honestly, if the answer is no, say that. I'm ok with no. What I'm not ok with is you saying you want to help, but there's no way you can. That doesn't help me. At all.
"The time isn't right." "There is too much uncertainty. We don't know which direction we're going to move with that space, so, the timing is bad." "Have you talked to so and so? I bet they might have an idea..." The comments came. Everyone seems to know someone else that would be a great place for us to go to and get started or find a new springboard...but after the third or fourth one of those things, you start wondering just where that goose is at...hiding just behind the next corner, waiting on the other side of the top of that hill? Who knows.
The funny thing is...today was the best conversation...perhaps the most productive one we've had so far...and our idea was all but completely shot down. I sound bitter...I was...I don't think I am anymore though. You see, today felt like the first time we got any straight answers out of anyone. I'm sick of beating around the bush. Yeah, there was the token 'I'd love to help, but...', but even then...something just felt different. I don't know why. They kept talking about money...thinking they'd lose all sorts of money if we shared space with them. I remember thinking at one point that I wish there was a way to somehow get the money to go to them instead. Sort of the 'kill them with kindness' mentality I suppose. Or something like that.
So, I left the meeting, rode my bike over to the bike shop for a pick me up, and then came back to work, where I found a lovely CER letter waiting for me in my mailbox, about what else...the coffee shop. Another 30 days notice about the grant. Salt in the wound, or icing on the cake? I'm not really sure which at this point. Salty icing? No, that just sounds gross. :)
So, we continue chasing the goose. Or something. I struggle some days with wondering if this should be taken as a sign that this is not meant to happen right now...or happen with us...or happen in this way, or if it is a lesson in perseverance and continuing on even when things seem hopeless. It's a bit like being given a parachute for climbing a wall...sure, we're prepared...but not for the right thing, apparently.
Keep honking, goosey goosey gander. Perhaps one of these days we'll catch you. I hope it's before you die.
After getting the grant, we had to reconsider exactly what we were going to do, because the amount of money was less than we had originally bargained for. So, we thought partnering would be a better option - not having to start from scratch...and after talking with a handful of people, someone gave us the name of a local woman that was looking to start a coffee shop in town. GREAT!! She even called it an answer to prayer the first time I talked to her on the phone...seriously...it was for us too. So, we talked. Began the process. Dreamed together.
Then...deadlines came. And passed. Timelines were shifted, moved back...lost altogether. We met, waited, met, hemmed and hawed, got grief, got everyone's opinions (whether we wanted them or not), and tried to keep going. For three months.
Turns out, everyone really wants this coffee shop. That's what they say, anyway. They say "we really need one here, that they really want one here...and they wish they could help, but..." That's my favorite comment of all. Honestly, if the answer is no, say that. I'm ok with no. What I'm not ok with is you saying you want to help, but there's no way you can. That doesn't help me. At all.
"The time isn't right." "There is too much uncertainty. We don't know which direction we're going to move with that space, so, the timing is bad." "Have you talked to so and so? I bet they might have an idea..." The comments came. Everyone seems to know someone else that would be a great place for us to go to and get started or find a new springboard...but after the third or fourth one of those things, you start wondering just where that goose is at...hiding just behind the next corner, waiting on the other side of the top of that hill? Who knows.
The funny thing is...today was the best conversation...perhaps the most productive one we've had so far...and our idea was all but completely shot down. I sound bitter...I was...I don't think I am anymore though. You see, today felt like the first time we got any straight answers out of anyone. I'm sick of beating around the bush. Yeah, there was the token 'I'd love to help, but...', but even then...something just felt different. I don't know why. They kept talking about money...thinking they'd lose all sorts of money if we shared space with them. I remember thinking at one point that I wish there was a way to somehow get the money to go to them instead. Sort of the 'kill them with kindness' mentality I suppose. Or something like that.
So, I left the meeting, rode my bike over to the bike shop for a pick me up, and then came back to work, where I found a lovely CER letter waiting for me in my mailbox, about what else...the coffee shop. Another 30 days notice about the grant. Salt in the wound, or icing on the cake? I'm not really sure which at this point. Salty icing? No, that just sounds gross. :)
So, we continue chasing the goose. Or something. I struggle some days with wondering if this should be taken as a sign that this is not meant to happen right now...or happen with us...or happen in this way, or if it is a lesson in perseverance and continuing on even when things seem hopeless. It's a bit like being given a parachute for climbing a wall...sure, we're prepared...but not for the right thing, apparently.
Keep honking, goosey goosey gander. Perhaps one of these days we'll catch you. I hope it's before you die.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Why did I...
Guilt is a powerful weapon. Even when it is not used intentionally...or perhaps it is used most powerfully when it is unintentional. Is it still guilt then? Or is it merely a call to be accountable?
Why do we see being asked questions as being questioned as a person, to our very core? Why, when our motives are questioned, when our reasoning is questioned, or even when our not having done something is questioned, do we feel like a puppy who is being scolded for making a mistake?
What is so deeply embedded in our human nature that we feel responsible for everything going on around us...or not going on around us for that matter? Is it because we really are responsible, whether directly or indirectly?
Why do we see being asked questions as being questioned as a person, to our very core? Why, when our motives are questioned, when our reasoning is questioned, or even when our not having done something is questioned, do we feel like a puppy who is being scolded for making a mistake?
What is so deeply embedded in our human nature that we feel responsible for everything going on around us...or not going on around us for that matter? Is it because we really are responsible, whether directly or indirectly?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Word (and thought) of the Day - Intentionality
I don't wanna go through the motions,
I don't wanna spend one more day,
Without your all consuming
Passion inside of me...
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything...
Instead of going through the motions...
These words, from a song called 'The Motions' by Matthew West, seem to sum up well the thoughts that I have been having and the conversations I have been a part of over the course of the last few days. It's another one of those overarching themes that has taken over my thought process as of late.
I was having a conversation with my pastor about some conversations we will be having with the confirmation kids over the course of the next year, mostly looking at the promises they make when they go through their Affirmation of Baptism. We want to ask them why it matters if they keep the promises or not...what it means for them to keep them.
We also want to have a conversation with the small group leaders about what the main focuses/purposes are when we are teaching confirmation. Our hope is that they will find the connections between what we do in confirmation and what areas we focus on with our ministry at Grace.
Then, I had a third conversation before a meeting earlier today about a couple lines in a book I recently read - - if our community said that they were going to shut our church down, who would step up to defend it? Would it be solely the people that attended the church. or is the ministry focused enough on outreach and community support that others beyond the church membership would rise up in its defense as well?
What does it mean for us to live lives that are intentional? How different would it look from the way we are living right now?
I don't wanna spend one more day,
Without your all consuming
Passion inside of me...
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything...
Instead of going through the motions...
These words, from a song called 'The Motions' by Matthew West, seem to sum up well the thoughts that I have been having and the conversations I have been a part of over the course of the last few days. It's another one of those overarching themes that has taken over my thought process as of late.
I was having a conversation with my pastor about some conversations we will be having with the confirmation kids over the course of the next year, mostly looking at the promises they make when they go through their Affirmation of Baptism. We want to ask them why it matters if they keep the promises or not...what it means for them to keep them.
We also want to have a conversation with the small group leaders about what the main focuses/purposes are when we are teaching confirmation. Our hope is that they will find the connections between what we do in confirmation and what areas we focus on with our ministry at Grace.
Then, I had a third conversation before a meeting earlier today about a couple lines in a book I recently read - - if our community said that they were going to shut our church down, who would step up to defend it? Would it be solely the people that attended the church. or is the ministry focused enough on outreach and community support that others beyond the church membership would rise up in its defense as well?
What does it mean for us to live lives that are intentional? How different would it look from the way we are living right now?
Monday, May 4, 2009
Musings of the Two Wheeled Variety
I did something this weekend that many would consider ridiculous to attempt. I completed my third century bike ride - I rode 100 miles in just a little over 8 hours on Saturday. Started at 6am and watched the sun come up...and saw great expanses of the southeastern Minnesota countryside.
So, what do you learn when you spend 8 hours on two skinny wheels and a tiny uncomfortable seat?
1. Keep your eyes on the road. Holes and bumps often sneak up unexpectedly, and if you're not prepared for them, you're liable to hit them or fall in. Some of the bumps cannot be avoided, but if you are ready for them, you can brace yourself, making the impact less threatening.
2. Things on the road are not the only threats you will face. Some dangers will come out of nowhere, barking and growling and threatening to chase you down. Others will come in like a gust of wind, ready to knock you over, unseen, but nonetheless felt.
3. Nourishment is vital. You will run out of fuel, and you need to make sure you keep your tank full.
4. Never underestimate the power of a word of encouragement. Sometimes a smile or a 'Good Job!' is enough to get you the next 10 miles.
5. Those that are available to help you are not often right in front of your eyes. Sometimes you have to seek out a helping hand intentionally, or you will miss the opportunity.
6. Things that appear to be obstacles sometimes change into opportunities. That wind that was blowing in your face and slowing you down turns into a wonderful push when you change direction.
7. A good song (or two or eight) can be the difference between staying sane and going nuts when you are out on the road by yourself. It becomes a wonderful companion for those lonely miles.
8. Be prepared. Making sure you have extra supplies and tools can be the difference between success and failure when you have an unexpected accident.
9. Not all pain is crippling. Sometimes it just makes the journey a little harder for a while.
10. Not all pain lasts forever.
11. Hills are both good and bad. Most uphills have an accompanying downhill...but not all of them do.
12. There are other riders on the same journey as you. Often they are facing the same struggles you are...and sharing the same joys. Befriend them - learn from them - encourage them.
13. Sometimes you can move just as fast going downhill without pedaling as you can going uphill pedaling...or even faster. Take advantage of those times.
14. Trust your vehicle.
15. Take time to say hi to old friends, especially those that have been doing what you're doing for longer than you. They often have wise advice.
16. There are people looking out for you.
17. Windbreaks are nice, but don't always 'break' the wind. Sometimes they just turn a wind that is a cross wind into a headwind for a moment.
18. Appearances aren't everything...for either the rider or the bike. Some of the more beat up looking bikes and unlikely (or young) riders are just as good (if not better) than the shiny bikes and the 'hardcore' looking riders.
19. You are going to be better than some riders some of the time and worse than some riders some of the time. Your position will likely change over the course of the ride...several times.
20. Never take things like being able to get off of your bike for granted. Sometimes you just can't.
So, what do you learn when you spend 8 hours on two skinny wheels and a tiny uncomfortable seat?
1. Keep your eyes on the road. Holes and bumps often sneak up unexpectedly, and if you're not prepared for them, you're liable to hit them or fall in. Some of the bumps cannot be avoided, but if you are ready for them, you can brace yourself, making the impact less threatening.
2. Things on the road are not the only threats you will face. Some dangers will come out of nowhere, barking and growling and threatening to chase you down. Others will come in like a gust of wind, ready to knock you over, unseen, but nonetheless felt.
3. Nourishment is vital. You will run out of fuel, and you need to make sure you keep your tank full.
4. Never underestimate the power of a word of encouragement. Sometimes a smile or a 'Good Job!' is enough to get you the next 10 miles.
5. Those that are available to help you are not often right in front of your eyes. Sometimes you have to seek out a helping hand intentionally, or you will miss the opportunity.
6. Things that appear to be obstacles sometimes change into opportunities. That wind that was blowing in your face and slowing you down turns into a wonderful push when you change direction.
7. A good song (or two or eight) can be the difference between staying sane and going nuts when you are out on the road by yourself. It becomes a wonderful companion for those lonely miles.
8. Be prepared. Making sure you have extra supplies and tools can be the difference between success and failure when you have an unexpected accident.
9. Not all pain is crippling. Sometimes it just makes the journey a little harder for a while.
10. Not all pain lasts forever.
11. Hills are both good and bad. Most uphills have an accompanying downhill...but not all of them do.
12. There are other riders on the same journey as you. Often they are facing the same struggles you are...and sharing the same joys. Befriend them - learn from them - encourage them.
13. Sometimes you can move just as fast going downhill without pedaling as you can going uphill pedaling...or even faster. Take advantage of those times.
14. Trust your vehicle.
15. Take time to say hi to old friends, especially those that have been doing what you're doing for longer than you. They often have wise advice.
16. There are people looking out for you.
17. Windbreaks are nice, but don't always 'break' the wind. Sometimes they just turn a wind that is a cross wind into a headwind for a moment.
18. Appearances aren't everything...for either the rider or the bike. Some of the more beat up looking bikes and unlikely (or young) riders are just as good (if not better) than the shiny bikes and the 'hardcore' looking riders.
19. You are going to be better than some riders some of the time and worse than some riders some of the time. Your position will likely change over the course of the ride...several times.
20. Never take things like being able to get off of your bike for granted. Sometimes you just can't.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
...You're Up to Something Bigger Than Me...
So, what do you get when you sit two friends down at a table over lunch who start talking about their day...week...etc...and just keep talking? You get new ideas being birthed that wouldn't happen otherwise. You get dreams coming out, ideas being realized, coincidences that don't seem like coincidences anymore, and an understanding that some of what seemed like random or insignificant thoughts really had a purpose far greater than what you might have originally imagined.
Purpose. Purpose is what makes us act, makes us do things that might seem a bit out of our reach. Not so much purpose for ourselves either, but a greater purpose, something that goes beyond who we are and what we have set out to do. It is listening to the voice of others reiterate what we have been thinking and haven't realized, noticing themes that seemed like nothing more than scattered ideas up until that moment.
I and a couple friends have been talking off and on over the course of the last couple months about how badly we want to get back into regular Bible study again, in conversation with other folks, keeping us accountable. We've been talking about it...but it hasn't happened. We were considering doing a specific series with specific topics...but...we haven't gotten around to it. So...we waited. And then, we got tired of waiting...and thought, well, what if we just started 'studying the Bible?' A crazy concept, I know. We got farther with this idea, and even got so far as to possibly have picked a book to start in together. But we haven't started yet.
Last night I was talking to a friend of mine who was asking what offerings there were in my church as far as adult Bible study or classes. I had to answer the cold hard truth...not much. We have our between services gathering, but honestly...most of that group is over sixty. So, swing and a miss. Then I was thinking about how she should just join our little group once we get off the ground. It's something, after all.
Then, I was talking to another friend today who brought up near the end of lunch about how she wants to get back into a Bible study, and I about started laughing. It's not a coincidence...it's a repeating theme. So, I told her that we had been talking about the same thing...and that's where the madness began. She told me about wanting to do something a bit bigger than that, wanting to be open to a larger group. She talked about a gathering she used to be a part of during college, with music, someone to speak...discussion time, etc. So...my mind wanders to our band...to Nexus, an older gathering of young adults that used to exist, to a discussion I had with my new pastor about wanting to be intentional about getting young adult males into the church... do you see the theme here?
Things have been tried. They worked, in different ways. They attracted different groups of people at different times...but, what if all of those things took notes from each other...combined strengths, helped with weaknesses...what could happen?
Then, as we were walking out the door, we were talking about how other folks had brought up the same sort of idea, and I expressed one of my frustrations with meetings here with the ministry folk - we spend so much time focusing on what we're there for that we stifle ourselves from what could be happening! I've never been a fan of needlessly long meetings, but it seems like the ones that are long aren't long for that reason.
I think this happens more often that I'd even like to consider...how often people in the same area, the same place, even, have ideas they want to get off the ground, but don't think they have the means or the support to do so. And there they stay, grounded, because no one else ever got to hear the idea, the same idea that they've been wanting get going... sigh.
On the way home, the song "Something Heavenly" by Sanctus Real came on the air...and I got chills...it's quite a convicting thing to hear something that sounds like it came out of your own head on the radio...calling you to get up and move...
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out...
So...now what...what's next?
Purpose. Purpose is what makes us act, makes us do things that might seem a bit out of our reach. Not so much purpose for ourselves either, but a greater purpose, something that goes beyond who we are and what we have set out to do. It is listening to the voice of others reiterate what we have been thinking and haven't realized, noticing themes that seemed like nothing more than scattered ideas up until that moment.
I and a couple friends have been talking off and on over the course of the last couple months about how badly we want to get back into regular Bible study again, in conversation with other folks, keeping us accountable. We've been talking about it...but it hasn't happened. We were considering doing a specific series with specific topics...but...we haven't gotten around to it. So...we waited. And then, we got tired of waiting...and thought, well, what if we just started 'studying the Bible?' A crazy concept, I know. We got farther with this idea, and even got so far as to possibly have picked a book to start in together. But we haven't started yet.
Last night I was talking to a friend of mine who was asking what offerings there were in my church as far as adult Bible study or classes. I had to answer the cold hard truth...not much. We have our between services gathering, but honestly...most of that group is over sixty. So, swing and a miss. Then I was thinking about how she should just join our little group once we get off the ground. It's something, after all.
Then, I was talking to another friend today who brought up near the end of lunch about how she wants to get back into a Bible study, and I about started laughing. It's not a coincidence...it's a repeating theme. So, I told her that we had been talking about the same thing...and that's where the madness began. She told me about wanting to do something a bit bigger than that, wanting to be open to a larger group. She talked about a gathering she used to be a part of during college, with music, someone to speak...discussion time, etc. So...my mind wanders to our band...to Nexus, an older gathering of young adults that used to exist, to a discussion I had with my new pastor about wanting to be intentional about getting young adult males into the church... do you see the theme here?
Things have been tried. They worked, in different ways. They attracted different groups of people at different times...but, what if all of those things took notes from each other...combined strengths, helped with weaknesses...what could happen?
Then, as we were walking out the door, we were talking about how other folks had brought up the same sort of idea, and I expressed one of my frustrations with meetings here with the ministry folk - we spend so much time focusing on what we're there for that we stifle ourselves from what could be happening! I've never been a fan of needlessly long meetings, but it seems like the ones that are long aren't long for that reason.
I think this happens more often that I'd even like to consider...how often people in the same area, the same place, even, have ideas they want to get off the ground, but don't think they have the means or the support to do so. And there they stay, grounded, because no one else ever got to hear the idea, the same idea that they've been wanting get going... sigh.
On the way home, the song "Something Heavenly" by Sanctus Real came on the air...and I got chills...it's quite a convicting thing to hear something that sounds like it came out of your own head on the radio...calling you to get up and move...
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out...
So...now what...what's next?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sharing Scars
Happy tears are a strange concept. What does it really mean to be so filled with emotion that we end up at the other extreme? I hadn't felt that for a while...but I got to experience it again tonight.
I got to have a movie night with my boyfriend - and the film of choice was Pursuit of Happyness. An amazing film if you haven't seen it...a story about what it means to fight for a dream against all odds. It kinda left us both groping for words. We made small talk for a while and then I made a comment to him about the fact that the upcoming week in New Orleans was going to be an odd one - that I'd been so spoiled getting to see him almost every day. He stopped, looked at me and kind of chuckled...and I asked him why - he said it was just an odd concept - being the source of spoiling. We just sorta sat there together, I told him he was worth it. I'm so happy with him...some days I really have to pinch myself to be convinced that the last three months really have been real. :)
I think back sometimes...the most recent thing that amuses me is looking back at the other guys I would have liked to date while I was in college. The first one was the musician, jack of all trades, in a little bit of everything. The second one was the fiercely loyal friend, unique, a little shy, but at the same time was bound and determined to be himself even if it meant not always fitting in. The third was the goofball, smart, self assured, a great sense of humor, and despite all of that, still there was a part of him that didn't see his full worth - and how much he meant to the folks around him.
Each time I met one of these guys, I was hooked...between their personalities and their characteristics, I was certain each of these guys had what I was looking for. And, each time the chance at a potential relationship came and went, I looked back thinking there was no way I'd ever meet another guy like them, and I did...twice. After the third shot was gone towards the end of my college career, I sorta decided to just chill for a while...see what would play out. I moved to Fairmont, and I guess somewhere in the back of my mind was keeping an eye out for decent single guys, but not actively looking. Every now and again someone would mention someone they knew, but never real seriously. So, I just hung back, let life play out, and enjoyed the ride...and before I knew what had even happened, God dropped someone into my lap...so perfect that I think I didn't even know what to do. Luckily, I eventually came to my senses...and the rest is history. Beautiful, happy history.
We find in those around us the things that complete us, that fill in the missing pieces we didn't even know we were missing. And then, we write our life songs. Together.
1.
Hanging by a thread, we see familar faces
Swimming in a sea of unspoken stories
Countless causes for us to lose heart
At the end of our rope and coming undone
2.
Holding on and holding in, we push away and keep our distance
Worried we'll lose something we'll forget and can't replace
Ripping the stitches, before the wound has healed
Our only hope is to escape, unharmed and unscathed
3.
Building piece by piece the name You gave me
Knowing what we take may be passed to someone else
Realizing we may lose pieces, it's all a part of the plan
No longer looking for escape, giving up the fear of harm
B.
Stitching each piece to another, we become a colorful patchwork
Giving voice to the seamstress, broken people coming together
C.
It's a process of give and take, life's not only made of what we make
What I thought was mine is ours, all we're doing is sharing scars
I got to have a movie night with my boyfriend - and the film of choice was Pursuit of Happyness. An amazing film if you haven't seen it...a story about what it means to fight for a dream against all odds. It kinda left us both groping for words. We made small talk for a while and then I made a comment to him about the fact that the upcoming week in New Orleans was going to be an odd one - that I'd been so spoiled getting to see him almost every day. He stopped, looked at me and kind of chuckled...and I asked him why - he said it was just an odd concept - being the source of spoiling. We just sorta sat there together, I told him he was worth it. I'm so happy with him...some days I really have to pinch myself to be convinced that the last three months really have been real. :)
I think back sometimes...the most recent thing that amuses me is looking back at the other guys I would have liked to date while I was in college. The first one was the musician, jack of all trades, in a little bit of everything. The second one was the fiercely loyal friend, unique, a little shy, but at the same time was bound and determined to be himself even if it meant not always fitting in. The third was the goofball, smart, self assured, a great sense of humor, and despite all of that, still there was a part of him that didn't see his full worth - and how much he meant to the folks around him.
Each time I met one of these guys, I was hooked...between their personalities and their characteristics, I was certain each of these guys had what I was looking for. And, each time the chance at a potential relationship came and went, I looked back thinking there was no way I'd ever meet another guy like them, and I did...twice. After the third shot was gone towards the end of my college career, I sorta decided to just chill for a while...see what would play out. I moved to Fairmont, and I guess somewhere in the back of my mind was keeping an eye out for decent single guys, but not actively looking. Every now and again someone would mention someone they knew, but never real seriously. So, I just hung back, let life play out, and enjoyed the ride...and before I knew what had even happened, God dropped someone into my lap...so perfect that I think I didn't even know what to do. Luckily, I eventually came to my senses...and the rest is history. Beautiful, happy history.
We find in those around us the things that complete us, that fill in the missing pieces we didn't even know we were missing. And then, we write our life songs. Together.
1.
Hanging by a thread, we see familar faces
Swimming in a sea of unspoken stories
Countless causes for us to lose heart
At the end of our rope and coming undone
2.
Holding on and holding in, we push away and keep our distance
Worried we'll lose something we'll forget and can't replace
Ripping the stitches, before the wound has healed
Our only hope is to escape, unharmed and unscathed
3.
Building piece by piece the name You gave me
Knowing what we take may be passed to someone else
Realizing we may lose pieces, it's all a part of the plan
No longer looking for escape, giving up the fear of harm
B.
Stitching each piece to another, we become a colorful patchwork
Giving voice to the seamstress, broken people coming together
C.
It's a process of give and take, life's not only made of what we make
What I thought was mine is ours, all we're doing is sharing scars
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What have I done...
**Before you begin reading, this is what I have posted so far. It is likely that this will be a fluid note, constantly added to and edited, or that it will be the first in a series as I do and remember new things that need to be added.**
I have been amused by the notes that have been circulating around Facebook as of late. They are similar to the chain messages that circulate through e-mail, encouraging you to share random facts and information about yourself. Some of them are simple and have questions such as 'when is the last time you cried' or 'what did you eat for breakfast' or 'where do you spend most of your time' - others are more specific, asking you to highlight things from a list that you've done or to recap a year by answering about things that have happened over the past 365 days.
I started filling out another one this morning, as much to see for myself how I measured up as to tell anyone else - after all, does anyone really read them (except perhaps the junior highers that want the latest dirt on their friends and acquaintences)? Then, after finishing it, and actually posting it, I started reading through it, and ended up deciding to delete it. It seemed like a cheap way to tell about some of what I consider to be defining moments of my life - and then I ended up here - and I'm going to write it my own way.
Physically, I've climbed a 14,000 foot mountain and backpacked 20 or 30 miles through the continental divide, I've rock climbed, paddled something like 80 miles in a canoe over a few years, run a couple races (short ones, but a runner I am not), biked in a triathlon, biked 70 miles in a bike-a-thon twice, and even biked 302 miles across the southern part of MN over three days.
I've been to Greece and Italy, Belize, Canada, and something like 18 states in the US. I've seen the Colosseum, the Parthenon, the Pantheon, and stood in St. Peters Square and saw black smoke come out of the Vatican during the first day of the vote for a new pope after John Paul died in 2005. I've walked the ground where much of ancient Greek mythology took place, touched pieces of pottery made thousands of years ago, and even sat on an ancient Roman toilet in a bath house. I've even been through the Belizian jungle and been around 2 miles from the border of Guatemala, and had a tarantula crawl across the floor one night while I was brushing my teeth.
I've been to Washington DC twice and seen all of the memorials, been to Arlington National Cemetary, and seen Gettysburg. I've been through the Holocaust Museum and seen a pile of shoes that mark lives lost. I've been in the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea, and a couple dozen lakes in the Boundary Waters. I've seen meteor showers, the Northern Lights, and watched a thunderstorm roll in across a lake.
I've broken two bones, almost cut my tongue off with a spoon, had to get stitches in my forehead, and have more scars than I can remember stories for (but love to tell about the ones I do remember). I have had surgery at least four times, and two of those were in my mouth.
I lived in the same house for the first 18 years of my life, and since then, have become a pro at packing and moving back and forth from college, and twice since then - but I still hate doing it. I've lived in my own apartment and owned a car. I graduated from college with a degree in Studio Art and Religion. I had a job right out of college and have been at the same one for 2.5 years.
I've fallen for a couple guys, and now, even fallen in love. I've felt the pain of broken relationships and felt the pain of friends losing loved ones and struggling through difficulties. I've known what it feels like to accomplish something that seemed impossible. I have felt love from others, and been blessed with amazing family, friends, and people who support me. I've learned that deep friendships can be formed in a matter of hours.
I've worked in a clinic in a remote jungle and served food to a crowd of 1000 at a soup kitchen in Denver. I've helped paint a handful of houses, learned how to put up drywall, even helped build a ramp. I've worked three summers at a Bible Camp in central MN and spent three semesters traveling to a different church every weekend during college on a ministry team. I have played in a band, and can play guitar, bass (although not real well yet), and even sing okay. I can paint, throw pottery on a wheel, do photography, even draw if I'm in the mood. I've written poetry, a couple songs (though I've never finished one), and written some stories. I've painted a backdrop for a play, painted the side of a semi trailer, and even helped paint a 30x100 foot mural for a concert.
I've ridden in airplanes multiple times, ridden in a helecopter, a ferry, and metros in Greece and DC. I've driven 2000 miles in two weeks.
I've worked on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and even been on national TV (even if it was only for about 3.6 seconds). I've seen a few dozen concerts and even met a good number of the big names in Christian music.
And, because this is only the beginning of my story, I have to include the flip side, things I haven't done yet but hope to do.
1. Go to Australia and visit the Australia Zoo to see Steve Irwin's legacy
2. See the Pacific
3. Go to Hawaii
4. Marry my true love
5. Own a dog
6. ....
I have been amused by the notes that have been circulating around Facebook as of late. They are similar to the chain messages that circulate through e-mail, encouraging you to share random facts and information about yourself. Some of them are simple and have questions such as 'when is the last time you cried' or 'what did you eat for breakfast' or 'where do you spend most of your time' - others are more specific, asking you to highlight things from a list that you've done or to recap a year by answering about things that have happened over the past 365 days.
I started filling out another one this morning, as much to see for myself how I measured up as to tell anyone else - after all, does anyone really read them (except perhaps the junior highers that want the latest dirt on their friends and acquaintences)? Then, after finishing it, and actually posting it, I started reading through it, and ended up deciding to delete it. It seemed like a cheap way to tell about some of what I consider to be defining moments of my life - and then I ended up here - and I'm going to write it my own way.
Physically, I've climbed a 14,000 foot mountain and backpacked 20 or 30 miles through the continental divide, I've rock climbed, paddled something like 80 miles in a canoe over a few years, run a couple races (short ones, but a runner I am not), biked in a triathlon, biked 70 miles in a bike-a-thon twice, and even biked 302 miles across the southern part of MN over three days.
I've been to Greece and Italy, Belize, Canada, and something like 18 states in the US. I've seen the Colosseum, the Parthenon, the Pantheon, and stood in St. Peters Square and saw black smoke come out of the Vatican during the first day of the vote for a new pope after John Paul died in 2005. I've walked the ground where much of ancient Greek mythology took place, touched pieces of pottery made thousands of years ago, and even sat on an ancient Roman toilet in a bath house. I've even been through the Belizian jungle and been around 2 miles from the border of Guatemala, and had a tarantula crawl across the floor one night while I was brushing my teeth.
I've been to Washington DC twice and seen all of the memorials, been to Arlington National Cemetary, and seen Gettysburg. I've been through the Holocaust Museum and seen a pile of shoes that mark lives lost. I've been in the Atlantic Ocean and the Mediterranean Sea, and a couple dozen lakes in the Boundary Waters. I've seen meteor showers, the Northern Lights, and watched a thunderstorm roll in across a lake.
I've broken two bones, almost cut my tongue off with a spoon, had to get stitches in my forehead, and have more scars than I can remember stories for (but love to tell about the ones I do remember). I have had surgery at least four times, and two of those were in my mouth.
I lived in the same house for the first 18 years of my life, and since then, have become a pro at packing and moving back and forth from college, and twice since then - but I still hate doing it. I've lived in my own apartment and owned a car. I graduated from college with a degree in Studio Art and Religion. I had a job right out of college and have been at the same one for 2.5 years.
I've fallen for a couple guys, and now, even fallen in love. I've felt the pain of broken relationships and felt the pain of friends losing loved ones and struggling through difficulties. I've known what it feels like to accomplish something that seemed impossible. I have felt love from others, and been blessed with amazing family, friends, and people who support me. I've learned that deep friendships can be formed in a matter of hours.
I've worked in a clinic in a remote jungle and served food to a crowd of 1000 at a soup kitchen in Denver. I've helped paint a handful of houses, learned how to put up drywall, even helped build a ramp. I've worked three summers at a Bible Camp in central MN and spent three semesters traveling to a different church every weekend during college on a ministry team. I have played in a band, and can play guitar, bass (although not real well yet), and even sing okay. I can paint, throw pottery on a wheel, do photography, even draw if I'm in the mood. I've written poetry, a couple songs (though I've never finished one), and written some stories. I've painted a backdrop for a play, painted the side of a semi trailer, and even helped paint a 30x100 foot mural for a concert.
I've ridden in airplanes multiple times, ridden in a helecopter, a ferry, and metros in Greece and DC. I've driven 2000 miles in two weeks.
I've worked on the set of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and even been on national TV (even if it was only for about 3.6 seconds). I've seen a few dozen concerts and even met a good number of the big names in Christian music.
And, because this is only the beginning of my story, I have to include the flip side, things I haven't done yet but hope to do.
1. Go to Australia and visit the Australia Zoo to see Steve Irwin's legacy
2. See the Pacific
3. Go to Hawaii
4. Marry my true love
5. Own a dog
6. ....
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